Weekly reflection, reflecting on my past week.
Looking back at everything now, why should I be surprised or even feel that change will ever happen? I don't understand why I am so hurt when people say things sometimes, perhaps it's just my nature or that I put myself out there opening myself up to people I care about. Whatever it is I wish that I was a stronger person with a backbone when I needed to be, confident in myself and able to come back quickly in conversations with people who don't think before they speak. I have trained myself to think about something I want to say before I say it. What does this simple process do in the first place? It helps you say what you really want to say rather than just spouting out something quickly and potentially saying something hurtful or what you don't really mean to say.
I shouldn't be surprised at all when everything happens the way it does every time because it seems it's always the same process every time. If you want me to change perhaps be the leader and change yourself first. It's the best thing that one person can do. Be the change you wish to see in the world! Start with yourself! I've changed quite a bit in the past four years. However my changes have seemed to bother some people, or so it seems, so much that they try to push even more to get change to happen, the change they want to see. What I feel that is doing is pushing me even further than what they want. For the record, you can't change who I am as a person, only I can change who I am.
I find myself reflecting on past events and remembering what happened then, how I felt and how the past seems to repeat itself time and time again. Frustrating because now I am getting to the point to where I don't know when these moments will occur and therefore not ready once it happens. I don't have time to put up my emotional shield and make sure that I don't take any of it personally. I don't believe I could do that anyway even if I tried, the point is that I never get a chance to do even that.
This week has had up moments, down moments, and some in between. I've enjoyed a full week with my husband and now it's the weekend before he has to go back to work on Monday. Wish that the start of our week together didn't end up causing the rest of the week to end up as it did, however I guess it wouldn't be normal family events if it didn't end up that way. Sad but true, seems that family drama is meant to stay in our family no matter what. I greatly wish that the drama could be left out of family visits, especially visits in large groups or in public. There is a time and place for everything and sometimes speaking one on one is the best way to achieve understanding.
It all is down to being mindful of your words and being aware of your words and actions. I could say more but it just feels like I am constantly saying the same thing over and over again. Until there is change, the past will repeat and things will stay the same. I suppose I should just get used to the idea, accept it and move forward as best I can.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Friday, July 30, 2010
I Feel Like I'm The Polar Opposite Of This
I feel like I'm the polar opposite of this:
People who are narrow minded, one sided, bullheaded, demanding, tactless, repressive, abusive, stubborn, hypocritical, homophobic, racist, rude, belligerent, uncooperative, unhelpful, uncaring, distant, cold, rejecting change, unforgiving, resentful, spiteful, ungrateful, dishonest, jealous, cruel, mean, immature, vain, impractical, unreliable, disrespectful, blames others, selfish, unfeeling, thoughtless, mistrusting, reluctant, controlling, reckless, impolite, untrustworthy...
Hopefully you will understand that when I get into a relationship with someone who fits any of these characteristics it is difficult to get along with them. I try to stay away from people who fit into this category, mostly because I've found that they are hurtful and will only use me as an accessory instead of treating me like a person, they will just try to change me because they don't like who I am, or I find out later that they aren't the person I thought they were. It's more difficult when it comes to family. You are stuck with family as long as you are family.
People who are narrow minded, one sided, bullheaded, demanding, tactless, repressive, abusive, stubborn, hypocritical, homophobic, racist, rude, belligerent, uncooperative, unhelpful, uncaring, distant, cold, rejecting change, unforgiving, resentful, spiteful, ungrateful, dishonest, jealous, cruel, mean, immature, vain, impractical, unreliable, disrespectful, blames others, selfish, unfeeling, thoughtless, mistrusting, reluctant, controlling, reckless, impolite, untrustworthy...
Hopefully you will understand that when I get into a relationship with someone who fits any of these characteristics it is difficult to get along with them. I try to stay away from people who fit into this category, mostly because I've found that they are hurtful and will only use me as an accessory instead of treating me like a person, they will just try to change me because they don't like who I am, or I find out later that they aren't the person I thought they were. It's more difficult when it comes to family. You are stuck with family as long as you are family.
Two Things That Define Who I Am Today
Two things that define who I am today (out of many):
I always felt like the chubby kid, ironic how most of the friends who I had were always toothpicks. Once junior high and high school arrived I didn't care much about my weight and naturally I gained weight. One I was a senior I was over 200 lbs. After my second back surgery that caused me to be disabled I gained the most weight in the shortest amount of time ever in my life. Once at my heaviest I was over 300 lbs and into size 26/28. Hitting rock bottom and also after reading books on Buddhism and learning about it that year, I turned my life around. Salads every week and I stopped eating as much meat until by January the next year I didn't crave meat at all and I became vegetarian. Once the next year in February arrived I became a vegan and have been one ever since. I've lost over 120 lbs and am now down to size 8/10/12's. I've never been healthier and more energetic in my life. Truly I can now say that I am happy and only have 35 pounds left in my weight loss till I reach my overall goal. I've noticed that the last 40 have been the most challenging to drop. I never realized I was a source for inspiration until people began telling me that I was and how I inspired them to get healthy and lose weight too. It gives me a since of accomplishment and happiness knowing that not only have I been able to change my life but I have impacted others too.
When I was a child I learned at a very young age that my ability to learn things like other children was different. I could know the subject at school forwards and backwards but when it came to test time I would fail. It wasn't until later in my life that I realized that I had text anxiety. You know what I'm talking about? There you are sitting at your deck with the pencil in your hand writing out the answers and suddenly everything around you begins to move quickly. You can hear the clock seconds tick away, you can hear the sounds of people writing around you and erasing on their paper, everything begins to move so quickly, the most simple strokes of your pencil to the paper seems like they are moving a mile a second and you try to slow yourself down but then you notice that your breathing has quickened and your heart is beating out of your chest. You try to continue but either you can't or if you do continue you know that you're not going to do well. That there was many test taking times for me, except in subjects that didn't worry me that much, I didn't to bad in english, choir, drama, photography, and interestingly enough one of my history classes. When it came to other subjects like math or science I did horribly, even my ACT score was pitiful when I retook it to switch schools in my freshman year of college. My anxiety turned into something worse about nine years ago when I had my first anxiety/panic attack. Difficulty breathing, heart racing, face goes numb and then everything is a blur, begin to breathe quickly like I'm hyperventilating. Sometimes it's like I leave my body for a moment and I'm looking back down at myself. I try to keep myself calm and relaxed most of the time, this especially was made easier when I became disabled cause I was not able to return to work. Working in retail or customer service isn't an easy job. Sometimes I have anxiety attacks at random times when I'm not even expecting it, that has happened a few times in the past nine years. However most of the time it happens when I'm really upset. It's like my body physically reacts terrible to the stress from something and lets me have it. Recently I almost had three anxiety attacks in one day. Now due to that happening I will bring it up at the next doctors office appointment and see what I can do if and when it happens again. I've never been able to take medication for it because it's always happened at random times.
I always felt like the chubby kid, ironic how most of the friends who I had were always toothpicks. Once junior high and high school arrived I didn't care much about my weight and naturally I gained weight. One I was a senior I was over 200 lbs. After my second back surgery that caused me to be disabled I gained the most weight in the shortest amount of time ever in my life. Once at my heaviest I was over 300 lbs and into size 26/28. Hitting rock bottom and also after reading books on Buddhism and learning about it that year, I turned my life around. Salads every week and I stopped eating as much meat until by January the next year I didn't crave meat at all and I became vegetarian. Once the next year in February arrived I became a vegan and have been one ever since. I've lost over 120 lbs and am now down to size 8/10/12's. I've never been healthier and more energetic in my life. Truly I can now say that I am happy and only have 35 pounds left in my weight loss till I reach my overall goal. I've noticed that the last 40 have been the most challenging to drop. I never realized I was a source for inspiration until people began telling me that I was and how I inspired them to get healthy and lose weight too. It gives me a since of accomplishment and happiness knowing that not only have I been able to change my life but I have impacted others too.
When I was a child I learned at a very young age that my ability to learn things like other children was different. I could know the subject at school forwards and backwards but when it came to test time I would fail. It wasn't until later in my life that I realized that I had text anxiety. You know what I'm talking about? There you are sitting at your deck with the pencil in your hand writing out the answers and suddenly everything around you begins to move quickly. You can hear the clock seconds tick away, you can hear the sounds of people writing around you and erasing on their paper, everything begins to move so quickly, the most simple strokes of your pencil to the paper seems like they are moving a mile a second and you try to slow yourself down but then you notice that your breathing has quickened and your heart is beating out of your chest. You try to continue but either you can't or if you do continue you know that you're not going to do well. That there was many test taking times for me, except in subjects that didn't worry me that much, I didn't to bad in english, choir, drama, photography, and interestingly enough one of my history classes. When it came to other subjects like math or science I did horribly, even my ACT score was pitiful when I retook it to switch schools in my freshman year of college. My anxiety turned into something worse about nine years ago when I had my first anxiety/panic attack. Difficulty breathing, heart racing, face goes numb and then everything is a blur, begin to breathe quickly like I'm hyperventilating. Sometimes it's like I leave my body for a moment and I'm looking back down at myself. I try to keep myself calm and relaxed most of the time, this especially was made easier when I became disabled cause I was not able to return to work. Working in retail or customer service isn't an easy job. Sometimes I have anxiety attacks at random times when I'm not even expecting it, that has happened a few times in the past nine years. However most of the time it happens when I'm really upset. It's like my body physically reacts terrible to the stress from something and lets me have it. Recently I almost had three anxiety attacks in one day. Now due to that happening I will bring it up at the next doctors office appointment and see what I can do if and when it happens again. I've never been able to take medication for it because it's always happened at random times.
Monday Was Crazy
Monday was crazy in the since that so much happened that didn't need to. Things were said that should have been and life has been stress and frustration again since that moment Monday evening. Family stuff naturally as if this was something that happened between friends and I two things would have resulted from it. Either we would no longer be friends or it wouldn't of happened in the first place because they are my friends. Hopefully things can all get figured out because I had almost three anxiety attacks that day and terribly scared myself and my hubby.
Every time something like this happens I find myself wondering so many things, why it has to happen in the first place and how can it be avoided in the future? However old and new problems seem to surface and happen anyway regardless.
For the past several days I have been trying to play it all back and figure out what I could have done differently. Of course I didn't want to talk about this on my blog until everything had been resolved however this is a good way for me to get my thoughts out, so I'll say my peace and hopefully be able to sleep tonight without as much worry weighing down my shoulders.
Problem is that I am so different than they are, the person of concern and reason for my frustration, worry, hurt... I feel like it doesn't even begin to describe all the feelings that I've had within the past several days. To top it off this always seem to happen every few months, perfect timing that this had to happen during my husbands vacation week from work.
Today my husband and I talked about things and have an agreement about how we feel. Now just to talk to the other person and see what they think about everything and if we can work through this or if this will be a set back. After our discussion we decided to go out and enjoy some shopping and then a movie. I was happy to pick up some incense from World Market, was a clearance package cause the glass was cracked but hopefully with a little glue and paint I can make it pretty again. It's just the case for the incense that was damaged, everything else was fine.
Tomorrow we have friends coming over to visit. May just have two people coming over but may have more. Just hope that we can enjoy ourselves and relax. Dyed my hair today but didn't turn out as I hoped. The dye only made my hair a shade lighter than what is is already but one thing is for sure, it smells wonderful today.
Every time something like this happens I find myself wondering so many things, why it has to happen in the first place and how can it be avoided in the future? However old and new problems seem to surface and happen anyway regardless.
For the past several days I have been trying to play it all back and figure out what I could have done differently. Of course I didn't want to talk about this on my blog until everything had been resolved however this is a good way for me to get my thoughts out, so I'll say my peace and hopefully be able to sleep tonight without as much worry weighing down my shoulders.
Problem is that I am so different than they are, the person of concern and reason for my frustration, worry, hurt... I feel like it doesn't even begin to describe all the feelings that I've had within the past several days. To top it off this always seem to happen every few months, perfect timing that this had to happen during my husbands vacation week from work.
Today my husband and I talked about things and have an agreement about how we feel. Now just to talk to the other person and see what they think about everything and if we can work through this or if this will be a set back. After our discussion we decided to go out and enjoy some shopping and then a movie. I was happy to pick up some incense from World Market, was a clearance package cause the glass was cracked but hopefully with a little glue and paint I can make it pretty again. It's just the case for the incense that was damaged, everything else was fine.
Tomorrow we have friends coming over to visit. May just have two people coming over but may have more. Just hope that we can enjoy ourselves and relax. Dyed my hair today but didn't turn out as I hoped. The dye only made my hair a shade lighter than what is is already but one thing is for sure, it smells wonderful today.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
New Flooring Is Being Finished
New flooring is being finished as I write and I can't wait to have it all finished. I'm sure our kitties will be happy too as they've been in the computer room since Monday night. After the flooring has set for a few hours I'll let them roam and will check out the new flooring for myself. Will have to do some touch ups here and there and buy some clear caulk to seal the flooring around the cabinets in the hall bathroom. I just hope that I don't have to do many touch ups and if my hubby and I aren't happy with the way something looks after the flooring guy leaves, we'll be for sure contacting the warranty number to get someone to come out and fix this. Yes this is our house and we will maintain it, however it should have been done right the first time so I feel that this is not a thing that will be overstepping our requests. Hall was first done in carpet, we ordered it to be vinyl, now the vinyl will be in and it will look wonderful!
Other than that, still frustrated about the other day but going to try to relax and enjoy the rest of my husband's week off from work. This is our vacation together though we can't go out of town this time. Still some things we can try to do and enjoy ourselves.
Other than that, still frustrated about the other day but going to try to relax and enjoy the rest of my husband's week off from work. This is our vacation together though we can't go out of town this time. Still some things we can try to do and enjoy ourselves.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
For Now
For now my life drama will stay on facebook, if you're able to see what's happening you know more than some do and others who don't know yet probably will know soon. I won't keep you in the dark to long but just know it's family stuff. Just stress, frustration, a ton of misunderstanding again and upsetting uncalled for moments.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Dear Baby D
Dear baby D,
Thinking about you today little man. I miss you and can't believe you've been gone for so many years. You were in and out of my life so quickly and I will forever remember what joy you brought into everyone's life. I only hope that one day I can have child just as special as you were. You truly knew how to touch people's lives and make an impression on them. I know that your momma and daddy misses you too. It's been about seven years now since I last saw you and so happy that I was able to take such wonderful pictures of your smile. You were such a little ladies man. I love you little guy and hopefully I'll see you again in the next life.
Love, -"Aunt" Evie
Thinking about you today little man. I miss you and can't believe you've been gone for so many years. You were in and out of my life so quickly and I will forever remember what joy you brought into everyone's life. I only hope that one day I can have child just as special as you were. You truly knew how to touch people's lives and make an impression on them. I know that your momma and daddy misses you too. It's been about seven years now since I last saw you and so happy that I was able to take such wonderful pictures of your smile. You were such a little ladies man. I love you little guy and hopefully I'll see you again in the next life.
Love, -"Aunt" Evie
Thursday, July 22, 2010
I Woke Up Today With Something On My Mind To Write
I woke up today with something on my mind to write about in today's daily blog but I forgot about it later. Now it just bothers me that I forgot it. I remember thinking it would be interesting to write about. Oh well.
Have been taking it easy for about two weeks now healing from an ulcer that has been irritated on the bottom of my right foot, the one with neuropathy. My foot is finally beginning to look like a foot should again and returning to it's normal cool temperature.
These days that I've been taking it easy I've been noticing that I eat less because getting back and fourth from the kitchen is not one simple task. I have to get up, get in my wheelchair, wheel to the kitchen, get everything I'm eating and then bring it back to the table or the couch, enjoy my food, wheel back to the kitchen... you see where I'm going with this?
Speaking of food I had a little treat for the afternoon, little bites of chocolate. Though not as satisfying as it could be because during our packing, moving, unpacking process this bar was melted and re-hardened, which makes for not great tasty eats.
Well, off to the kitchen to make some roasted chickpeas. It sounded good and what I wanted for my lunch today but forgot to make. It will be a wonderful treat now. Paired well with the sun tea made earlier this morning.
Have been taking it easy for about two weeks now healing from an ulcer that has been irritated on the bottom of my right foot, the one with neuropathy. My foot is finally beginning to look like a foot should again and returning to it's normal cool temperature.
These days that I've been taking it easy I've been noticing that I eat less because getting back and fourth from the kitchen is not one simple task. I have to get up, get in my wheelchair, wheel to the kitchen, get everything I'm eating and then bring it back to the table or the couch, enjoy my food, wheel back to the kitchen... you see where I'm going with this?
Speaking of food I had a little treat for the afternoon, little bites of chocolate. Though not as satisfying as it could be because during our packing, moving, unpacking process this bar was melted and re-hardened, which makes for not great tasty eats.
Well, off to the kitchen to make some roasted chickpeas. It sounded good and what I wanted for my lunch today but forgot to make. It will be a wonderful treat now. Paired well with the sun tea made earlier this morning.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
All The Insults That We Get As Children
All the insults that we get as children, does that really come back to haunt us as adults or do we just grow up and move past it all? I believe that sometimes it does come back to haunt you. Especially if it's someone who you did not get along with at all, like a bully. Sometimes we feel that we don't have the strength to move forward and then we have to be reminded that we are not children anymore and their words can not hurt us. Just food for thought for the day.
My Updated List Of Weigh In's From Over The Years
My updated list of Weigh In's from over the years.
Recently I found an old drivers license and it was the one I got when I was 18 years old. I know for a fact that I didn't update my weight on it cause I had gained a little bit of weight by then. It lists my weight at 180 lbs, which means when I was 16 years old I weighed 180 not 165 as I thought once before. Which means I have already surpassed my goal to get back to the weight I was when I was 16. I only have 11 lbs to go till I'm at 165 and only 36 pounds left till I am at 140. Now I know for sure that I will make it!!! Such an amazing feeling it is to get healthy, eat foods I enjoy and be able to enjoy my life instead of dread looking at my appearance in the mirror! Anything is possible and if you don't believe you can do it, you're wrong! You can do anything you set your mind to!!!
This is where I have come and my progress so far:
((Weight UPDATE! : 180 pounds, age 16. Year 1997))
Weight: 210 pounds, Year 2000
Weight: 240 pounds, 03/23/2006
Weight: 278 pounds, 08/25/2006
Weight: 295 pounds, 12/21/2006
Weight: 285 pounds, August/September 2007
Weight: 275 pounds, 01/30/2008
Weight: 243 pounds, 11/24/2008
Weight: 239 pounds, 01/01/2009
Weight: 223.8 pounds, 04/04/2009
Weight: 223.2 pounds, 04/09/2009
Weight: 221.6 pounds, 04/13/2009
Weight: 221.2 pounds, 04/15/2009
Weight: 221.4 pounds, 04/20/2009
Weight: 222 pounds, 04/21/2009
Weight: 223 pounds, 04/28/2009
Weight: 221.8 pounds, 04/30/2009
Weight: 222.2 pounds, 05/01/2009
Weight: 221.6 pounds, 05/04/2009
Weight: 222.4 pounds, 05/12/2009
Weight: 219.8 pounds, 05/19/2009
Weight: 219.6 pounds, 05/21/2009
Weight: 218.4 pounds, 05/28/2009
Weight: 217 pounds, 06/08/2009
Weight: 216 pounds, 06/16/2009
Weight: 215.8 pounds, 06/22/2009
UPDATES:
Nine months ago: 201 pounds
Eight months ago: 198 pounds
Seven months ago: 189 pounds
Six months ago : 186 pounds
Three months ago: 186 pounds
Two months ago: 180 pounds
One month ago: 179 pounds
Last week: 178 pounds
((Current week: 176 pounds))
A photo taken back in January next to one from several years back. Such a noticeable difference in my face when I began to lose all the weight. I love not having the double, even triple chin anymore.
Feel so much healthier than I ever was when I was a teenager, much more energy now than what I had then. If only I could have figured this all out when I was younger instead of just thinking, "I'm fat, I'll always be fat..." *sigh* What things we just don't realize until we are older.
Recently I found an old drivers license and it was the one I got when I was 18 years old. I know for a fact that I didn't update my weight on it cause I had gained a little bit of weight by then. It lists my weight at 180 lbs, which means when I was 16 years old I weighed 180 not 165 as I thought once before. Which means I have already surpassed my goal to get back to the weight I was when I was 16. I only have 11 lbs to go till I'm at 165 and only 36 pounds left till I am at 140. Now I know for sure that I will make it!!! Such an amazing feeling it is to get healthy, eat foods I enjoy and be able to enjoy my life instead of dread looking at my appearance in the mirror! Anything is possible and if you don't believe you can do it, you're wrong! You can do anything you set your mind to!!!
This is where I have come and my progress so far:
((Weight UPDATE! : 180 pounds, age 16. Year 1997))
Weight: 210 pounds, Year 2000
Weight: 240 pounds, 03/23/2006
Weight: 278 pounds, 08/25/2006
Weight: 295 pounds, 12/21/2006
Weight: 285 pounds, August/September 2007
Weight: 275 pounds, 01/30/2008
Weight: 243 pounds, 11/24/2008
Weight: 239 pounds, 01/01/2009
Weight: 223.8 pounds, 04/04/2009
Weight: 223.2 pounds, 04/09/2009
Weight: 221.6 pounds, 04/13/2009
Weight: 221.2 pounds, 04/15/2009
Weight: 221.4 pounds, 04/20/2009
Weight: 222 pounds, 04/21/2009
Weight: 223 pounds, 04/28/2009
Weight: 221.8 pounds, 04/30/2009
Weight: 222.2 pounds, 05/01/2009
Weight: 221.6 pounds, 05/04/2009
Weight: 222.4 pounds, 05/12/2009
Weight: 219.8 pounds, 05/19/2009
Weight: 219.6 pounds, 05/21/2009
Weight: 218.4 pounds, 05/28/2009
Weight: 217 pounds, 06/08/2009
Weight: 216 pounds, 06/16/2009
Weight: 215.8 pounds, 06/22/2009
UPDATES:
Nine months ago: 201 pounds
Eight months ago: 198 pounds
Seven months ago: 189 pounds
Six months ago : 186 pounds
Three months ago: 186 pounds
Two months ago: 180 pounds
One month ago: 179 pounds
Last week: 178 pounds
((Current week: 176 pounds))
A photo taken back in January next to one from several years back. Such a noticeable difference in my face when I began to lose all the weight. I love not having the double, even triple chin anymore.
Feel so much healthier than I ever was when I was a teenager, much more energy now than what I had then. If only I could have figured this all out when I was younger instead of just thinking, "I'm fat, I'll always be fat..." *sigh* What things we just don't realize until we are older.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
All The HDMI Ports On Our TV Are Working Again
All the HDMI ports on our TV are working again! Yeah! We only had to wait a week for that to happen and it was a simple, take the tv completely apart, take out the motherboard, put in new motherboard, fix! Hopefully this won't happen again but it seems like it's going to be happening in the future as it's happened twice already and we've not even had this television a full year.
Smelling the wonderful scent of incense from across the room right now and it is so relaxing. Been barely sleeping lately so I plan to take an afternoon nap. Hopefully that will help me as I can't seem to get a full night's sleep any more as I'm not a heavy sleeper like my husband.
On my facebook and on my blog I recently wrote about feeling like a something is missing from my life, like I need a person who just gets me, understands me. Someone who needs me in their life and depends on me. Get where I am going with this? I believe all these feelings are because I so greatly want to be a mother.
I finally un-earthed all my crafting and knitting supplies from the guest room closet and plan on giving in to the urge that I've had for about a week now. Which is to make baby clothing, and bibs and blankets. Just because I'm not expecting yet doesn't mean these things won't come in handy once I am. Perhaps this is a sign, a few have told me such and I want to believe that it is a sign of greater things to come.
In about a week my husband will be on his vacation and we'll have an entire week to ourselves to take care of things around the house, have some fun days out, party with friends if we're ever able to set it up and get people over here, and take care of things we've scheduled for the week like appointments.
Then in August it's back to school for all the kids so his busy school year begins all over again. My husband works a full calendar year, so he doesn't get summer vacation off like the kids do. I feel like I've learned so much with my husband working with the school district. Kind of nice and also ironic as my father was a school teacher, however I want to believe they are very different people. I don't know if many people believe the saying that daughters marry men who are like their father's, though sometimes I do see that it holds true. There are some similarities, quiet and talkative when he wants to be and works in a school district, but other than that I don't see any other similarities.
It's been nice being able to play catch up with some of my old friends. I want to call one of my friends today as I told her I'd call her this next week, or was it that I said I'd call her soon? I don't remember now. However I'm tired so I plan on taking an afternoon nap. Now on that note I'll finish my writing later. Had lots of rain lately which I love for the lawn, however the lightening storms, they can stay away.
Smelling the wonderful scent of incense from across the room right now and it is so relaxing. Been barely sleeping lately so I plan to take an afternoon nap. Hopefully that will help me as I can't seem to get a full night's sleep any more as I'm not a heavy sleeper like my husband.
On my facebook and on my blog I recently wrote about feeling like a something is missing from my life, like I need a person who just gets me, understands me. Someone who needs me in their life and depends on me. Get where I am going with this? I believe all these feelings are because I so greatly want to be a mother.
I finally un-earthed all my crafting and knitting supplies from the guest room closet and plan on giving in to the urge that I've had for about a week now. Which is to make baby clothing, and bibs and blankets. Just because I'm not expecting yet doesn't mean these things won't come in handy once I am. Perhaps this is a sign, a few have told me such and I want to believe that it is a sign of greater things to come.
In about a week my husband will be on his vacation and we'll have an entire week to ourselves to take care of things around the house, have some fun days out, party with friends if we're ever able to set it up and get people over here, and take care of things we've scheduled for the week like appointments.
Then in August it's back to school for all the kids so his busy school year begins all over again. My husband works a full calendar year, so he doesn't get summer vacation off like the kids do. I feel like I've learned so much with my husband working with the school district. Kind of nice and also ironic as my father was a school teacher, however I want to believe they are very different people. I don't know if many people believe the saying that daughters marry men who are like their father's, though sometimes I do see that it holds true. There are some similarities, quiet and talkative when he wants to be and works in a school district, but other than that I don't see any other similarities.
It's been nice being able to play catch up with some of my old friends. I want to call one of my friends today as I told her I'd call her this next week, or was it that I said I'd call her soon? I don't remember now. However I'm tired so I plan on taking an afternoon nap. Now on that note I'll finish my writing later. Had lots of rain lately which I love for the lawn, however the lightening storms, they can stay away.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Three Years Ago I Saved My Life
Three years ago I saved my life! I decided that I would turn everything around to a new direction.
I was a bigger girl in my later childhood years and tipped the scale at 210 my senior year. I continued to gain weight through the years and found once I was disabled after my last back surgery, with my unhealthy diet and lack of exercise my waistline quickly grew.
It hasn't been easy and I've had many moments where the weight goes no where for many months. From mid January through the first of May this year I didn't lose one single pound for the most part. Only other time I had that happen to me was when I first began to lose weight.
Everything began with a change of diet for me. No more sugar filled food, or at first at least not as much. Then came to have less sodium and oily fatty foods. I lost a little weight my first six months in 2007 and the beginning of 2008 was very difficult for me but I dropped dress sizes like crazy at first. Going from a record size of 26/28 to now a size of 8/10 to 12/14. Depends on who makes it to what size I can fit in, however even my size 14's are baggy on me now.
I became a vegetarian in January 2008 and was still enjoying eggs for a month and enjoyed dairy for the next year and one month. Once I became vegan February 2009 the weight began to melt away as well as the dress sizes. I had no idea how much dairy can be fattening and not necessary for your body. I don't miss dairy at all, once in awhile I'll miss ice cream but then I remember how wonderful vegan ice cream is and I smile. :)
Not many people are willing to share their weight loss story or even admit their weight, less alone their age. I am proud of my accomplishments and can't believe that I only have 13 lbs before I reach my first weight loss goal.
I have put a lot of pressure on myself since the beginning of this year with my weight loss and the move wasn't easy, many emotional nights worried that we would lose our new house for good and never sell our condo. But now since everything worked out I can focus on my goal again and hope to achieve it by my deadline, which is by my 30th birthday, the first week of January. I know I have plenty of time to drop 38 pounds between now and then however to take off the worry if I don't make it, my new revised goal is to be able to drop the weight by my 30th year.
I hope that my story can help others see that anything is possible and if you set your mind to it, you can do it! It takes lots of patience, discipline, hard work, eating healthy and not stressing out when you don't drop a pound after all the hard work. Eventually with all the right steps you will achieve your goal.
Now you can see where I have come from and my progress so far. Here listed are the numbers of years where I have been a healthy weight, to overweight, to skinnier than I was than in high school. I've come a long way and so happy to be where I am today! :) I hope that my story will inspire you!
This is where I have come and my progress so far:
Weight: 165 pounds, Year 1996
I did not understand when I was younger why I continued to gain weight. I was very active and even though overweight, it looked good on me.
Weight: 210 pounds, Year 2000
When I met my husband I had gained over 40 pounds over the years.
Weight: 240 pounds, 03/23/2006
Had my first back surgery in 2003, and this was my weight before my second back surgery in 2006. I had continued to gain weight even though a lot more active. Was diagnosed with PCOS a year previous and finally understood why I have had so many problems with my weight and cycles.
Weight: 278 pounds, 08/25/2006
I went in for a knee surgery in August and found that I had gained a lot of weight in five months. I was taking three different medications, all with weight gain side effects. Also could not move well after surgery until about six months later. By that time I had gained more weight.
Weight: 295 pounds, 12/21/2006
This was my weight in December 2006. I have no idea how much heavier I got afterward because I never weighed myself until the summer that next year. I know that I did gain more weight but have no way of knowing because I did not weigh myself.
Weight: 285 pounds, August/September 2007
I had began to exercise more and eat healthier foods, like a salad every other day, which eventually was a salad every day. The weight loss was beginning to take effect and become noticeable.
Weight: 275 pounds, 01/30/2008
Been vegetarian for a month and adjusting to not eating meat. Had lost some weight but not that much since July 2007.
Weight: 243 pounds, 11/24/2008
Had had difficulty loosing weight and for several months did not drop any weight. Getting around better since surgery.
Weight: 239 pounds, 01/01/2009
Met my goal for the year 2008, which was to get to the weight in the 230's by the new year. Was easier dropping the pounds again. Cutting out more fatty foods and sugar.
Weight: 223.8 pounds, 04/04/2009
Went completely vegan February 1st and kept my goal of dropping one pound per week. I continued to loose weight and hoped to get under 200 pounds later in the year.
Weight: 223.2 pounds, 04/09/2009
Weight: 221.6 pounds, 04/13/2009
Weight: 221.2 pounds, 04/15/2009
Weight: 221.4 pounds, 04/20/2009
Weight: 222 pounds, 04/21/2009
Weight: 223 pounds, 04/28/2009
Weight: 221.8 pounds, 04/30/2009
Weight: 222.2 pounds, 05/01/2009
Weight: 221.6 pounds, 05/04/2009
Weight: 222.4 pounds, 05/12/2009
Weight: 219.8 pounds, 05/19/2009
Weight: 219.6 pounds, 05/21/2009
Weight: 218.4 pounds, 05/28/2009
Weight: 217 pounds, 06/08/2009
Weight: 216 pounds, 06/16/2009
Weight: 215.8 pounds, 06/22/2009
UPDATES:
Nine months ago: 201 pounds
Eight months ago: 198 pounds
Seven months ago: 189 pounds
Six months ago : 186 pounds
Three months ago: 186 pounds
Two months ago: 180 pounds
One month ago: 179 pounds
Last week: 178 pounds
I now am only 13 pounds away from my first goal and 38 pounds away from my overall goal. I realize now that these last 38 will be the most challenging. I've come a long way to get here and very happy I am! Best things I did for myself three years ago. I know now that I saved my life!
I was a bigger girl in my later childhood years and tipped the scale at 210 my senior year. I continued to gain weight through the years and found once I was disabled after my last back surgery, with my unhealthy diet and lack of exercise my waistline quickly grew.
It hasn't been easy and I've had many moments where the weight goes no where for many months. From mid January through the first of May this year I didn't lose one single pound for the most part. Only other time I had that happen to me was when I first began to lose weight.
Everything began with a change of diet for me. No more sugar filled food, or at first at least not as much. Then came to have less sodium and oily fatty foods. I lost a little weight my first six months in 2007 and the beginning of 2008 was very difficult for me but I dropped dress sizes like crazy at first. Going from a record size of 26/28 to now a size of 8/10 to 12/14. Depends on who makes it to what size I can fit in, however even my size 14's are baggy on me now.
I became a vegetarian in January 2008 and was still enjoying eggs for a month and enjoyed dairy for the next year and one month. Once I became vegan February 2009 the weight began to melt away as well as the dress sizes. I had no idea how much dairy can be fattening and not necessary for your body. I don't miss dairy at all, once in awhile I'll miss ice cream but then I remember how wonderful vegan ice cream is and I smile. :)
Not many people are willing to share their weight loss story or even admit their weight, less alone their age. I am proud of my accomplishments and can't believe that I only have 13 lbs before I reach my first weight loss goal.
I have put a lot of pressure on myself since the beginning of this year with my weight loss and the move wasn't easy, many emotional nights worried that we would lose our new house for good and never sell our condo. But now since everything worked out I can focus on my goal again and hope to achieve it by my deadline, which is by my 30th birthday, the first week of January. I know I have plenty of time to drop 38 pounds between now and then however to take off the worry if I don't make it, my new revised goal is to be able to drop the weight by my 30th year.
I hope that my story can help others see that anything is possible and if you set your mind to it, you can do it! It takes lots of patience, discipline, hard work, eating healthy and not stressing out when you don't drop a pound after all the hard work. Eventually with all the right steps you will achieve your goal.
Now you can see where I have come from and my progress so far. Here listed are the numbers of years where I have been a healthy weight, to overweight, to skinnier than I was than in high school. I've come a long way and so happy to be where I am today! :) I hope that my story will inspire you!
This is where I have come and my progress so far:
Weight: 165 pounds, Year 1996
I did not understand when I was younger why I continued to gain weight. I was very active and even though overweight, it looked good on me.
Weight: 210 pounds, Year 2000
When I met my husband I had gained over 40 pounds over the years.
Weight: 240 pounds, 03/23/2006
Had my first back surgery in 2003, and this was my weight before my second back surgery in 2006. I had continued to gain weight even though a lot more active. Was diagnosed with PCOS a year previous and finally understood why I have had so many problems with my weight and cycles.
Weight: 278 pounds, 08/25/2006
I went in for a knee surgery in August and found that I had gained a lot of weight in five months. I was taking three different medications, all with weight gain side effects. Also could not move well after surgery until about six months later. By that time I had gained more weight.
Weight: 295 pounds, 12/21/2006
This was my weight in December 2006. I have no idea how much heavier I got afterward because I never weighed myself until the summer that next year. I know that I did gain more weight but have no way of knowing because I did not weigh myself.
Weight: 285 pounds, August/September 2007
I had began to exercise more and eat healthier foods, like a salad every other day, which eventually was a salad every day. The weight loss was beginning to take effect and become noticeable.
Weight: 275 pounds, 01/30/2008
Been vegetarian for a month and adjusting to not eating meat. Had lost some weight but not that much since July 2007.
Weight: 243 pounds, 11/24/2008
Had had difficulty loosing weight and for several months did not drop any weight. Getting around better since surgery.
Weight: 239 pounds, 01/01/2009
Met my goal for the year 2008, which was to get to the weight in the 230's by the new year. Was easier dropping the pounds again. Cutting out more fatty foods and sugar.
Weight: 223.8 pounds, 04/04/2009
Went completely vegan February 1st and kept my goal of dropping one pound per week. I continued to loose weight and hoped to get under 200 pounds later in the year.
Weight: 223.2 pounds, 04/09/2009
Weight: 221.6 pounds, 04/13/2009
Weight: 221.2 pounds, 04/15/2009
Weight: 221.4 pounds, 04/20/2009
Weight: 222 pounds, 04/21/2009
Weight: 223 pounds, 04/28/2009
Weight: 221.8 pounds, 04/30/2009
Weight: 222.2 pounds, 05/01/2009
Weight: 221.6 pounds, 05/04/2009
Weight: 222.4 pounds, 05/12/2009
Weight: 219.8 pounds, 05/19/2009
Weight: 219.6 pounds, 05/21/2009
Weight: 218.4 pounds, 05/28/2009
Weight: 217 pounds, 06/08/2009
Weight: 216 pounds, 06/16/2009
Weight: 215.8 pounds, 06/22/2009
UPDATES:
Nine months ago: 201 pounds
Eight months ago: 198 pounds
Seven months ago: 189 pounds
Six months ago : 186 pounds
Three months ago: 186 pounds
Two months ago: 180 pounds
One month ago: 179 pounds
Last week: 178 pounds
I now am only 13 pounds away from my first goal and 38 pounds away from my overall goal. I realize now that these last 38 will be the most challenging. I've come a long way to get here and very happy I am! Best things I did for myself three years ago. I know now that I saved my life!
Friday, July 16, 2010
Such A Strange Dream Last Night
Such a strange dream last night. It had me waking up feeling like I was looking for something that can't be found. I wrote about that on my facebook page and got two comments. I do want to find someone who gets me, it feels like I've been searching for that someone for a long time. I found that person when I met my husband and am so lucky to have a man like that in my life.
After writing out the bills and thank you cards it got me to thinking about how I was feeling this morning. I'm pretty sure all the things I've been feeling are because I want to be a mommy. That is what my dreams were about last night. I woke up wanting to make baby blankets and bibs, all sorts of stuff. *sigh* Hopefully I'll have a reason to make all those wonderful things soon.
After writing out the bills and thank you cards it got me to thinking about how I was feeling this morning. I'm pretty sure all the things I've been feeling are because I want to be a mommy. That is what my dreams were about last night. I woke up wanting to make baby blankets and bibs, all sorts of stuff. *sigh* Hopefully I'll have a reason to make all those wonderful things soon.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Things About Me
I enjoy a vegan diet.
I am a happily married lady.
I have two fur babies, one black & one torti.
I love photography and hope to do more with the business someday.
I enjoy horror movies like crazy and also enjoy comedy, some action, drama, romance, family and other "fit in here" category movies. However I'm not much of a western fan.
I like watching baseball but am more of a football fan.
I've lost over 117 pounds and used to be a size 26/28.
Sometimes I can come off kind of extreme, either you like me or you don't.
I used to be a Christian, after searching through many religions decided to be Buddhist, now I'm in between spirituality but still try to practice what Buddhism taught me.
I'm 5'5", a size 8/10 top and 12/14 bottom, however I haven't purchased new jeans in awhile so I'm probably well in to 12's now.
I want to be a mother someday, I've had lots of practice and I'm ready.
I love the smell of incense, especially Nag Champa's Satya Sai Baba.
I have tried pot before but only once in my life, as well as cigar's & cigarettes.
I enjoy a good drink, my favorite is the Long Island Iced Tea.
I don't drink soda though I used to be a big Mountain Dew and Coke person.
I love vegan ice cream, especially Turtle Mountain's Purely Decadent.
Dark chocolate is my weakness but when I enjoy it it's not much.
My senses are amazing sometimes, I smell things that not even my husband does.
I enjoy dining at a great restaurant that can accommodate me, they are far and few.
My husband and I just moved into our first brand new house that we built.
I don't appreciate people who are pushy, demanding, one sided, and refuse to live their own lives and who try to change others but don't want to change themselves.
I believe in being true to myself and that means full honesty.
I don't pretend to be something or someone I'm not, I'm stuck in my skin till I leave this earth, best to make the most of it.
I don't have many close friends but the ones I do have are amazing people.
For years I've said that my best friend is my husband because we can tell each other everything and be ourselves around each other.
My husband and I keep nothing from one another, believe it or not, we do share everything and are honest with one another, no white lies here.
Sometimes I get excited when I begin talking to a person and think that they could be my new "best friend" but then I think I scare them away with my aggressive honesty. Either that or we just are meant to be that close.
One of my favorite foods is spinach though I don't eat much of it, I also love Chinese, Mexican, Pizza and hummus wraps.
Sometimes I find myself online for hours just browsing while wasting time, but I think we all do that.
I believe that for me, meditation helps relax me however I don't do it often enough.
I like to keep an open mind about everything that the world has to offer.
I have a variety of different friends and I like it that way, it would be to boring if we were all the same.
If I could go back in time and keep myself from falling up the stairwell at my past work, which ultimately caused surgeries and my disability later, I don't know if I could stop myself or not. I'm a lot more calm and relaxed now than I used to be, but I have little to no feeling in my leg, around my back and hip. If I hadn't of injured myself then I'd probably still be working and who knows what would have happened later in my life.
I'm not happy that my doctor messed my surgery up and caused me to be disabled, however what I am thankful for is that it gave me a new view on life and to value what I have left. At least I still can walk though not as I used to. At least I can bathe myself though not an easy task. At least I can still feel most of my body, at least I still have my sense of smell and my sight. There are many things I am thankful for.
I try not to be negative however even I am subject to sometimes saying that "I can't" to something or that it seems impossible, or will never happen.
I have learned patience the hard way and though I like to think of myself as a patient person I still have my moments of weakness.
After all these years after high school GREEN is still my favorite color, next in line is blue, red and purple. I always thought that green, blue and purple looked nice together, as well as red, orange and yellow.
I am a happily married lady.
I have two fur babies, one black & one torti.
I love photography and hope to do more with the business someday.
I enjoy horror movies like crazy and also enjoy comedy, some action, drama, romance, family and other "fit in here" category movies. However I'm not much of a western fan.
I like watching baseball but am more of a football fan.
I've lost over 117 pounds and used to be a size 26/28.
Sometimes I can come off kind of extreme, either you like me or you don't.
I used to be a Christian, after searching through many religions decided to be Buddhist, now I'm in between spirituality but still try to practice what Buddhism taught me.
I'm 5'5", a size 8/10 top and 12/14 bottom, however I haven't purchased new jeans in awhile so I'm probably well in to 12's now.
I want to be a mother someday, I've had lots of practice and I'm ready.
I love the smell of incense, especially Nag Champa's Satya Sai Baba.
I have tried pot before but only once in my life, as well as cigar's & cigarettes.
I enjoy a good drink, my favorite is the Long Island Iced Tea.
I don't drink soda though I used to be a big Mountain Dew and Coke person.
I love vegan ice cream, especially Turtle Mountain's Purely Decadent.
Dark chocolate is my weakness but when I enjoy it it's not much.
My senses are amazing sometimes, I smell things that not even my husband does.
I enjoy dining at a great restaurant that can accommodate me, they are far and few.
My husband and I just moved into our first brand new house that we built.
I don't appreciate people who are pushy, demanding, one sided, and refuse to live their own lives and who try to change others but don't want to change themselves.
I believe in being true to myself and that means full honesty.
I don't pretend to be something or someone I'm not, I'm stuck in my skin till I leave this earth, best to make the most of it.
I don't have many close friends but the ones I do have are amazing people.
For years I've said that my best friend is my husband because we can tell each other everything and be ourselves around each other.
My husband and I keep nothing from one another, believe it or not, we do share everything and are honest with one another, no white lies here.
Sometimes I get excited when I begin talking to a person and think that they could be my new "best friend" but then I think I scare them away with my aggressive honesty. Either that or we just are meant to be that close.
One of my favorite foods is spinach though I don't eat much of it, I also love Chinese, Mexican, Pizza and hummus wraps.
Sometimes I find myself online for hours just browsing while wasting time, but I think we all do that.
I believe that for me, meditation helps relax me however I don't do it often enough.
I like to keep an open mind about everything that the world has to offer.
I have a variety of different friends and I like it that way, it would be to boring if we were all the same.
If I could go back in time and keep myself from falling up the stairwell at my past work, which ultimately caused surgeries and my disability later, I don't know if I could stop myself or not. I'm a lot more calm and relaxed now than I used to be, but I have little to no feeling in my leg, around my back and hip. If I hadn't of injured myself then I'd probably still be working and who knows what would have happened later in my life.
I'm not happy that my doctor messed my surgery up and caused me to be disabled, however what I am thankful for is that it gave me a new view on life and to value what I have left. At least I still can walk though not as I used to. At least I can bathe myself though not an easy task. At least I can still feel most of my body, at least I still have my sense of smell and my sight. There are many things I am thankful for.
I try not to be negative however even I am subject to sometimes saying that "I can't" to something or that it seems impossible, or will never happen.
I have learned patience the hard way and though I like to think of myself as a patient person I still have my moments of weakness.
After all these years after high school GREEN is still my favorite color, next in line is blue, red and purple. I always thought that green, blue and purple looked nice together, as well as red, orange and yellow.
A Few Old Posts
A few old posts from my old blog just to show you a part of my life that you may not of known about or not have been paying any attention to. Yes my husband and I have been ttc for quite some time and my old posts are just a taste of everything that I wrote last year.
I started my first blog, TTC in St. Charles last year in February 2009. Once I decided that I wanted to take everything in a new direction I deleted that account and created a new blog simply titled, "My Life". The life of a busy lady, which is the start of my http link, is very true because my life has been extremely busy this past year.
Just thinking about everything that we've gone through, I almost have to take a step back just to look at it all. Hopefully this new blog will be able to capture all aspects of my life. And if I use an abbreviation that is TTC related hopefully you'll be able to understand what I mean. I posted up one post today that lays down all the different abbreviations.
If no one reads my blog at least this is something just for me. Sometimes it gets a little personal and I'm sure that not everyone will enjoy reading what I have to say. That's the beauty of it, these are my thoughts and opinions and my forum to express myself. If anyone who reads my blog has a thought to share then they can reply under my post.
Hopefully this year all great things will happen for my husband and I. We have sold our condo, donated a ton of things, moved into our new house and have had an amazing house warming celebration.
I had a health set back when my foot became blistered after using a Ped Egg, for months it's been an ulcer because I've been walking on my foot due to all the open house's, showings, packing, unpacking and house warming; but this entire week I've been relaxing and it's beginning to heal quickly.
Yes everything is beginning to get on track and now just hoping that I'll get a little baby bean. We have such a large house now and so many rooms to fill. I can't wait for the moment to come that we are expecting, preparing the baby's room will be so wonderful.
I started my first blog, TTC in St. Charles last year in February 2009. Once I decided that I wanted to take everything in a new direction I deleted that account and created a new blog simply titled, "My Life". The life of a busy lady, which is the start of my http link, is very true because my life has been extremely busy this past year.
Just thinking about everything that we've gone through, I almost have to take a step back just to look at it all. Hopefully this new blog will be able to capture all aspects of my life. And if I use an abbreviation that is TTC related hopefully you'll be able to understand what I mean. I posted up one post today that lays down all the different abbreviations.
If no one reads my blog at least this is something just for me. Sometimes it gets a little personal and I'm sure that not everyone will enjoy reading what I have to say. That's the beauty of it, these are my thoughts and opinions and my forum to express myself. If anyone who reads my blog has a thought to share then they can reply under my post.
Hopefully this year all great things will happen for my husband and I. We have sold our condo, donated a ton of things, moved into our new house and have had an amazing house warming celebration.
I had a health set back when my foot became blistered after using a Ped Egg, for months it's been an ulcer because I've been walking on my foot due to all the open house's, showings, packing, unpacking and house warming; but this entire week I've been relaxing and it's beginning to heal quickly.
Yes everything is beginning to get on track and now just hoping that I'll get a little baby bean. We have such a large house now and so many rooms to fill. I can't wait for the moment to come that we are expecting, preparing the baby's room will be so wonderful.
For A Friend Of Mine
Tuesday, November 24th 2009
(I wrote this last November when I was heartbroken after a friend of mine experienced a MC. I wanted to post this up again because the words are still true as it's been a challenging year ttc.)
'Heart Broken Tears', by ME for a friend of mine.
I'm crying tears for you tonight
Wondering why things just aren't right
The chance was there but it couldn't stay
It had to leave and fade away
Every day so great-full for the life had inside
Loving moments now have passed, this dream felt so alive
Heart broken for the second time
I watched each moment pass you by
But I know that there will be that day
When all the sad filled tears fall away
These test and trials they just aren't right
Holding onto that happiness so bright
Some day it will happen and when the time has come
The broken pieces of your heart will be restrung
(I wrote this last November when I was heartbroken after a friend of mine experienced a MC. I wanted to post this up again because the words are still true as it's been a challenging year ttc.)
'Heart Broken Tears', by ME for a friend of mine.
I'm crying tears for you tonight
Wondering why things just aren't right
The chance was there but it couldn't stay
It had to leave and fade away
Every day so great-full for the life had inside
Loving moments now have passed, this dream felt so alive
Heart broken for the second time
I watched each moment pass you by
But I know that there will be that day
When all the sad filled tears fall away
These test and trials they just aren't right
Holding onto that happiness so bright
Some day it will happen and when the time has come
The broken pieces of your heart will be restrung
A Very Old Journal Entry
8/11/2000
I am in the middle of cleaning up my room, it's 5:54pm.
I have a new boyfriend.
He is the most wonderful guy I have met in a long long long time!
He makes me laugh, smile, he makes me feel so beautiful and wonderful inside.
I went in to take care of my car today and no luck with that, did put my mirror on but don't have the back on it, they are ordering it, and they also have to order a thing for the window washer so that it sprays correctly.
Anyway, this is page one in this new journal of mine. I wonder how long I can write in this before I get sick of writing.
I met him over the internet a while ago in July, late July and finally met him last Saturday where we hit it off wonderfully! We are in love and very happy!
6:00pm
I am in the middle of cleaning up my room, it's 5:54pm.
I have a new boyfriend.
He is the most wonderful guy I have met in a long long long time!
He makes me laugh, smile, he makes me feel so beautiful and wonderful inside.
I went in to take care of my car today and no luck with that, did put my mirror on but don't have the back on it, they are ordering it, and they also have to order a thing for the window washer so that it sprays correctly.
Anyway, this is page one in this new journal of mine. I wonder how long I can write in this before I get sick of writing.
I met him over the internet a while ago in July, late July and finally met him last Saturday where we hit it off wonderfully! We are in love and very happy!
6:00pm
Simplifying My Life (An Old Blog Post But Still True Today)
Sunday, August 30th 2009
When I look at my life these days I see myself surrounded by so much clutter. Online on to many websites that I can't keep up with, at home near old newspapers and piles of stuff that hasn't been organized and needs to be put away where it belongs.
I am trying to get my priorities straight and simplify my life, inside and out.
I know what is of value to me and what I don't need is all the mess. I want to have the important things in my life front and center and everything else just does not matter as much.
When I look at my life these days I see myself surrounded by so much clutter. Online on to many websites that I can't keep up with, at home near old newspapers and piles of stuff that hasn't been organized and needs to be put away where it belongs.
I am trying to get my priorities straight and simplify my life, inside and out.
I know what is of value to me and what I don't need is all the mess. I want to have the important things in my life front and center and everything else just does not matter as much.
Godmommy Thoughts (Another Old Post From My Old Blog)
Sunday, August 30th 2009
Happy, honored, lucky, loved, important, serious role, care giver, a second parent. So many thoughts enter my mind when thinking about the possibility of this role that we will take if the parents are serious about it once my husband and I sit down with them and talk it over.
Of course when asking my husband when I first told him that we were asked there was not a moment's hesitation. Our initial answer is, "YES!", but we want to make sure that everything is written out and this is taken seriously. If they really want us to help raise the children if something were to happen to them and they pass away, then I feel that this should be included in some type of will or letter that is notarized.
I feel this way because this is what I would want once the time comes when my DH and I have children. Of course, once apon a time, I asked a girl who was my best friend at the time, half drunk at new years and then later that next month if she would be a Godmommy to DH and my future children. She said, "yes" and then our friendship crumbled because of gaping differences and problems that could not be repaired. I feel now that I moved to quickly to ask such a thing and in the future if DH and I want a couple to have the role as Godparents that we will take our time and act more wisely when we make a decision.
DH and I have to wait at least a week to have a sit down with the parents and talk everything over with them because labor day weekend they will be moving into their new house. I probably will be babysitting that day and taking care of my two potential godchildren.
I still am in awe over being asked because I never saw this question coming a mile away. I am so happy and honored that DH and I would ever be thought of so highly that we may have this role given to us. Soon I may not just be a cousin to these two wonderful little boys but a Godmommy too. I feel like things are looking up for me, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
I could be a Godmommy...
So what exactly defines a Godparent anyway? Wikipedia says, "A godparent, in many denominations of Christianity, is someone who sponsors a child's baptism. Judaism has this equivalent in the circumcision ceremony. A male godparent is a godfather, and a female godparent is a godmother. The child is a godchild (godson, goddaughter)."
"Traditionally, godparents were informally responsible for ensuring the child's religious education was carried out, and for caring for the child should they be orphaned. Today, the word "godparent" might not have explicitly religious overtones. The modern view of a godparent tends to be an individual chosen by the parents to take an interest in the child's upbringing and personal development. However, godparent is not a legal position, and should the parents seriously intend the godparents to act as foster parents in case of their death, this must be legally specified through the usual means (such as a will)."
So above lists a good description of what a Godparent is and what it seems to mean these days. On Friday after babysitting my cousin I was asked a question that I honestly did not see coming my way. "Will you and Steve (my husband) be Godparents.....?" Oh my goodness I was so surprised and told her that we would be honored and would talk to DH about it.
I believe that if they are serious about it and so are we, that we all should sit down and really talk this over. This isn't just some 'title' to me, it means a lot. If something really were to happen to them I want it to be written for legal reasons, like in a will, that we will raise the children. This is because this is how I feel about the roll of Godparents. They raise your children if something happens to you, like in the event of death.
I feel so honored and touched that DH and I would ever be asked to be Godparents. But I don't want to hold onto the idea to closely till it is in writing and then take that form to a notoriety.
Even if I never give birth to a child I may be a Godmommy and the idea of it makes me feel so happy inside. I love these two children so much and have been lucky to be able to be a part of both of their lives since the youngest was born and the oldest was a year old. The oldest boy is six years old now and in school, he is such a wonderful little man. The youngest is almost three years old and born the day before DH and my wedding anniversary. Both of these boys always warm my heart but there is something about the youngest that gets to me. Perhaps it is the way he says, "I love you Evelyn." Or the way he hugs me or puts his arms around me when he is sleepy and I carry him to his room to take a nap. Or the way he always asks me if he can come home with me and go to my house and play. Or maybe it is just the fact that I have been able to be a part of his life since he was one month old. What ever the reason, I feel blessed to even be considered to be their Godmother. These two boys are my world and the reason why DH and I keep ttc and hope to one day have our own children.
Happy, honored, lucky, loved, important, serious role, care giver, a second parent. So many thoughts enter my mind when thinking about the possibility of this role that we will take if the parents are serious about it once my husband and I sit down with them and talk it over.
Of course when asking my husband when I first told him that we were asked there was not a moment's hesitation. Our initial answer is, "YES!", but we want to make sure that everything is written out and this is taken seriously. If they really want us to help raise the children if something were to happen to them and they pass away, then I feel that this should be included in some type of will or letter that is notarized.
I feel this way because this is what I would want once the time comes when my DH and I have children. Of course, once apon a time, I asked a girl who was my best friend at the time, half drunk at new years and then later that next month if she would be a Godmommy to DH and my future children. She said, "yes" and then our friendship crumbled because of gaping differences and problems that could not be repaired. I feel now that I moved to quickly to ask such a thing and in the future if DH and I want a couple to have the role as Godparents that we will take our time and act more wisely when we make a decision.
DH and I have to wait at least a week to have a sit down with the parents and talk everything over with them because labor day weekend they will be moving into their new house. I probably will be babysitting that day and taking care of my two potential godchildren.
I still am in awe over being asked because I never saw this question coming a mile away. I am so happy and honored that DH and I would ever be thought of so highly that we may have this role given to us. Soon I may not just be a cousin to these two wonderful little boys but a Godmommy too. I feel like things are looking up for me, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
I could be a Godmommy...
So what exactly defines a Godparent anyway? Wikipedia says, "A godparent, in many denominations of Christianity, is someone who sponsors a child's baptism. Judaism has this equivalent in the circumcision ceremony. A male godparent is a godfather, and a female godparent is a godmother. The child is a godchild (godson, goddaughter)."
"Traditionally, godparents were informally responsible for ensuring the child's religious education was carried out, and for caring for the child should they be orphaned. Today, the word "godparent" might not have explicitly religious overtones. The modern view of a godparent tends to be an individual chosen by the parents to take an interest in the child's upbringing and personal development. However, godparent is not a legal position, and should the parents seriously intend the godparents to act as foster parents in case of their death, this must be legally specified through the usual means (such as a will)."
So above lists a good description of what a Godparent is and what it seems to mean these days. On Friday after babysitting my cousin I was asked a question that I honestly did not see coming my way. "Will you and Steve (my husband) be Godparents.....?" Oh my goodness I was so surprised and told her that we would be honored and would talk to DH about it.
I believe that if they are serious about it and so are we, that we all should sit down and really talk this over. This isn't just some 'title' to me, it means a lot. If something really were to happen to them I want it to be written for legal reasons, like in a will, that we will raise the children. This is because this is how I feel about the roll of Godparents. They raise your children if something happens to you, like in the event of death.
I feel so honored and touched that DH and I would ever be asked to be Godparents. But I don't want to hold onto the idea to closely till it is in writing and then take that form to a notoriety.
Even if I never give birth to a child I may be a Godmommy and the idea of it makes me feel so happy inside. I love these two children so much and have been lucky to be able to be a part of both of their lives since the youngest was born and the oldest was a year old. The oldest boy is six years old now and in school, he is such a wonderful little man. The youngest is almost three years old and born the day before DH and my wedding anniversary. Both of these boys always warm my heart but there is something about the youngest that gets to me. Perhaps it is the way he says, "I love you Evelyn." Or the way he hugs me or puts his arms around me when he is sleepy and I carry him to his room to take a nap. Or the way he always asks me if he can come home with me and go to my house and play. Or maybe it is just the fact that I have been able to be a part of his life since he was one month old. What ever the reason, I feel blessed to even be considered to be their Godmother. These two boys are my world and the reason why DH and I keep ttc and hope to one day have our own children.
Resting After My CT Myelogram (Old Blog Post)
Saturday, August 29th 2009
I have relaxed and slept a lot since being home. DH is doing a wonderful job taking care of me and making sure that I don't do to much while my back is healing. The needle used to inject the dye in my back was not a large needle but large enough that I am resting while it heals.
The Myelogram part of it was very interesting. The medicine used to numb me out had to be used on the right side of my scar and because of the thick scar tissue they had to numb me up more than they usually do. Once ready I didn't feel much at all other than a pressure building feeling in my spine. The dye was put in to the sac around my spinal cord and I watched the monitor while they took photos of my upper lumbar spine, my L1-L2, L2-L3 and L3-L4. Then it was time to sit up and help the dye fall down my back so they could take images of my lower lumbar. My L4-L5, L5-L6 and L6-S1 are all fused together and I didn't realize before how much hardware was in my back. I couldn't tell much while the images were being taken but hopefully the doctor will be able to tell what it all means.
Then came the CT part of my visit. I walked down to the room with the large machine and had to lay down on my left side, then right, then sat up. As the dye swished like jello in my spine the pressure on the nerves gave me a very compressed, heavy sensation with little pain. The only pain I had was when I moved from my left side to my right side as the dye moved to the right side of my spine. The reason for all of this is so the dye spreads out so the images can be captured well during the CT scan. Finally I rested on my back with my legs propped up at the knee and they took the images of my back. The dye can also be described as the feeling of something like a lava lamp. You know how the liquid swishes inside when it is completely heated up? That is what it felt like in my back. That is why they want you to stay in one spot and not do much after you get home. If you lay on your side for to long you may get to much pressure in one spot and causes you discomfort and pain.
It took about a half an hour because there were no complications, it was very easy to get to my spine and do everything. I was a very good patient and made sure I was as still as possible while the images were taken. After everything was done I sat in the waiting room with Steve and then the xray tech brought out my xrays. Heavy packet of xrays and I am looking forward to looking at my spine.
I have been extremely lucky that I only had a feeling of heaviness, dizziness and being light headed while the dye was being put in. Then just some minor craps and pressure in my spine and legs afterward. I have been walking slow, taking my time and resting with my feet up and head rested up. So far no spinal headache and hopefully everything will continue to go well for me.
I won't know what everything means from the CT Myelogram until next Friday afternoon. Hopefully I'll get many answers to why I continue to have the discomfort, numbness and pain. Though I am fine with pain that is not awful as I have experienced that before for several ongoing months. I realize that I have written a lot of detailed information about the procedure today but I want you all to be informed on what new is happening with me. Know that I am doing well, staying off my feet for now and being taken care of.
I have relaxed and slept a lot since being home. DH is doing a wonderful job taking care of me and making sure that I don't do to much while my back is healing. The needle used to inject the dye in my back was not a large needle but large enough that I am resting while it heals.
The Myelogram part of it was very interesting. The medicine used to numb me out had to be used on the right side of my scar and because of the thick scar tissue they had to numb me up more than they usually do. Once ready I didn't feel much at all other than a pressure building feeling in my spine. The dye was put in to the sac around my spinal cord and I watched the monitor while they took photos of my upper lumbar spine, my L1-L2, L2-L3 and L3-L4. Then it was time to sit up and help the dye fall down my back so they could take images of my lower lumbar. My L4-L5, L5-L6 and L6-S1 are all fused together and I didn't realize before how much hardware was in my back. I couldn't tell much while the images were being taken but hopefully the doctor will be able to tell what it all means.
Then came the CT part of my visit. I walked down to the room with the large machine and had to lay down on my left side, then right, then sat up. As the dye swished like jello in my spine the pressure on the nerves gave me a very compressed, heavy sensation with little pain. The only pain I had was when I moved from my left side to my right side as the dye moved to the right side of my spine. The reason for all of this is so the dye spreads out so the images can be captured well during the CT scan. Finally I rested on my back with my legs propped up at the knee and they took the images of my back. The dye can also be described as the feeling of something like a lava lamp. You know how the liquid swishes inside when it is completely heated up? That is what it felt like in my back. That is why they want you to stay in one spot and not do much after you get home. If you lay on your side for to long you may get to much pressure in one spot and causes you discomfort and pain.
It took about a half an hour because there were no complications, it was very easy to get to my spine and do everything. I was a very good patient and made sure I was as still as possible while the images were taken. After everything was done I sat in the waiting room with Steve and then the xray tech brought out my xrays. Heavy packet of xrays and I am looking forward to looking at my spine.
I have been extremely lucky that I only had a feeling of heaviness, dizziness and being light headed while the dye was being put in. Then just some minor craps and pressure in my spine and legs afterward. I have been walking slow, taking my time and resting with my feet up and head rested up. So far no spinal headache and hopefully everything will continue to go well for me.
I won't know what everything means from the CT Myelogram until next Friday afternoon. Hopefully I'll get many answers to why I continue to have the discomfort, numbness and pain. Though I am fine with pain that is not awful as I have experienced that before for several ongoing months. I realize that I have written a lot of detailed information about the procedure today but I want you all to be informed on what new is happening with me. Know that I am doing well, staying off my feet for now and being taken care of.
Finding My Spiritual Center & Learning To Move Forward (Old Blog Post)
Tuesday, August 25th, 2009
I woke up this morning not wanting to drive to the gym and work out with my new personal trainer or even attempt at going to my Piloga class, but I knew that if I didn't go today I wouldn't go all week. I have a busy week ahead of myself and today I also felt set back and did not understand why. However now I believe that I do.
I believe that it was this day seventeen years ago today that my father passed away. Seventeen years without him in my life and I have much emotion thinking about it. Not that of sadness really but rather that of remembrance.
I realize that my memories of him are different than other people around me, and for the most part I try to do my best to only remember the good, happy memories together. Though I can not dismiss all the terrible and unhappy things that happened.
I try to understand why things happened the way that they did and learn from that to help me move forward. Sometimes it is more difficult than I would care for.
So here I am now in my life trying to find my spiritual center and move forward. I have found this difficult many times through this past year. Trying to move past a time in my life that felt like it was out of my control and move towards a future that feels like it is more in motion to where I hope it to be.
In all ways possible I feel like I am a survivor. I have triumphed through when the odds were against me, many times. When I was a child and a teenager I had so many frustrations, anger, guilt, happiness, and sadness embedded in my memories. As an adult now I understand why I was so hard on myself and try to realize that things that happened were not my fault.
Getting back to the day at hand. I will always have a place for my father in my heart because he was the person who gave me life. Without him I may be a different person or may have never have existed. And because of that I thank him.
I have no idea what place he is in now. In what I believe, he was reborn to live again until he reached enlightenment. I can honestly say that I have no idea what he believed in. He was not a religious man and did not attend church services at all when I was a child, or if he did it was a rare occasion.
What ever the case may be and where he ended up going. I am thankful for his giving me a chance at life. And I am forever thankful for my mother for making it through the nine months and having me. It was a difficult delivery but we both made it through.
I can only hope one day that my future children will be thankful for my giving them life, like I am to my parents for giving life to me. The possibilities in life are endless. Now time to try to move forward.
I woke up this morning not wanting to drive to the gym and work out with my new personal trainer or even attempt at going to my Piloga class, but I knew that if I didn't go today I wouldn't go all week. I have a busy week ahead of myself and today I also felt set back and did not understand why. However now I believe that I do.
I believe that it was this day seventeen years ago today that my father passed away. Seventeen years without him in my life and I have much emotion thinking about it. Not that of sadness really but rather that of remembrance.
I realize that my memories of him are different than other people around me, and for the most part I try to do my best to only remember the good, happy memories together. Though I can not dismiss all the terrible and unhappy things that happened.
I try to understand why things happened the way that they did and learn from that to help me move forward. Sometimes it is more difficult than I would care for.
So here I am now in my life trying to find my spiritual center and move forward. I have found this difficult many times through this past year. Trying to move past a time in my life that felt like it was out of my control and move towards a future that feels like it is more in motion to where I hope it to be.
In all ways possible I feel like I am a survivor. I have triumphed through when the odds were against me, many times. When I was a child and a teenager I had so many frustrations, anger, guilt, happiness, and sadness embedded in my memories. As an adult now I understand why I was so hard on myself and try to realize that things that happened were not my fault.
Getting back to the day at hand. I will always have a place for my father in my heart because he was the person who gave me life. Without him I may be a different person or may have never have existed. And because of that I thank him.
I have no idea what place he is in now. In what I believe, he was reborn to live again until he reached enlightenment. I can honestly say that I have no idea what he believed in. He was not a religious man and did not attend church services at all when I was a child, or if he did it was a rare occasion.
What ever the case may be and where he ended up going. I am thankful for his giving me a chance at life. And I am forever thankful for my mother for making it through the nine months and having me. It was a difficult delivery but we both made it through.
I can only hope one day that my future children will be thankful for my giving them life, like I am to my parents for giving life to me. The possibilities in life are endless. Now time to try to move forward.
My Much Wanted Margarita (Old Blog Post)
Sunday, May 24th 2009
I had a blast hanging out with DH and my four friends last night. Two fun couples. There was good people, good food, good drinks and good fun playing some Rock Band.
I had two tall glasses of my home made Margarita mixed with Tequila, Midori, citrus Vodka and Margarita mix. So compared to the photo to the left of the Margarita I had the equivalent of four glasses. After my Margarita I then enjoyed a beer. Which sent me over the edge in my drunkenness.
Apparently I am a riot when I am drunk because the most interesting and entertaining things spit out of my mouth. I am happy that I did not get sick from the drinking, did not pass out, and this morning, do not have a hang over. I consider myself very lucky.
Only reason I figure that I got so drunk is because I am a light weight now compared to when I was younger and also was heavier. I drank more back then and with the extra body mass to hold the alcohol I could take down twenty mixed drinks, ten shots and several beers. I know because that is about how much I drank one year for new years.
I remember going in the next morning to work and being asked during our morning meeting what we did the night before. This is what came out of my mouth in front of everyone and my boss, "I got totally wasted last night hanging out with friends for new years and I still showed up for work today and actually don't have a hang over." People just looked at me in shock and surprise. Hey, at least I showed up for work.
I remember the boss telling people that if they did not show up for work the next day, especially if it was because they were hung over or drunk, that they were fired. I was not about to want that so I went into work. It was rather entertaining to me. It was also at the point that my back was beginning to hurt all the time and I cared less about what people thought and just focused on my job and kept myself busy. It got me extra respect points from my boss and co-workers that by the time I left for surgery I was being offered a position that I had been trying for for years. Oh well. Now it does not really bother me as much. I am happier now and can happily get drunk and enjoy myself without worry of a job to go to. For now.
Anyway, I had a fun time with friends and looking forward to the next time hanging out. I thought that I'd treat myself to that Margarita last night because AF was on her way and I had really been kind of depressed and moody all week. So that was going to be the night to get my drink on. If I am PG by the next time we all get together I won't be drinking but I am sure that I can still have a blast. After all, you don't need to be buzzed or drunk to have a good time.
I had a blast hanging out with DH and my four friends last night. Two fun couples. There was good people, good food, good drinks and good fun playing some Rock Band.
I had two tall glasses of my home made Margarita mixed with Tequila, Midori, citrus Vodka and Margarita mix. So compared to the photo to the left of the Margarita I had the equivalent of four glasses. After my Margarita I then enjoyed a beer. Which sent me over the edge in my drunkenness.
Apparently I am a riot when I am drunk because the most interesting and entertaining things spit out of my mouth. I am happy that I did not get sick from the drinking, did not pass out, and this morning, do not have a hang over. I consider myself very lucky.
Only reason I figure that I got so drunk is because I am a light weight now compared to when I was younger and also was heavier. I drank more back then and with the extra body mass to hold the alcohol I could take down twenty mixed drinks, ten shots and several beers. I know because that is about how much I drank one year for new years.
I remember going in the next morning to work and being asked during our morning meeting what we did the night before. This is what came out of my mouth in front of everyone and my boss, "I got totally wasted last night hanging out with friends for new years and I still showed up for work today and actually don't have a hang over." People just looked at me in shock and surprise. Hey, at least I showed up for work.
I remember the boss telling people that if they did not show up for work the next day, especially if it was because they were hung over or drunk, that they were fired. I was not about to want that so I went into work. It was rather entertaining to me. It was also at the point that my back was beginning to hurt all the time and I cared less about what people thought and just focused on my job and kept myself busy. It got me extra respect points from my boss and co-workers that by the time I left for surgery I was being offered a position that I had been trying for for years. Oh well. Now it does not really bother me as much. I am happier now and can happily get drunk and enjoy myself without worry of a job to go to. For now.
Anyway, I had a fun time with friends and looking forward to the next time hanging out. I thought that I'd treat myself to that Margarita last night because AF was on her way and I had really been kind of depressed and moody all week. So that was going to be the night to get my drink on. If I am PG by the next time we all get together I won't be drinking but I am sure that I can still have a blast. After all, you don't need to be buzzed or drunk to have a good time.
Sharing My Blog And Letting Friends & Family Join The Journey (Old Blog Post)
Saturday, May 23rd 2009
So do I dare to let my friends and family in on my blog and let them into a part of my life that is more personal? I just don't know the answer to that right now.
I just don't know what others will think of me. Do my friends and family really want to know about the most personal parts of my life. After all I am a pretty open person when it comes to letting people into my life. Though I feel comfortable with the people I open up to so that isn't a problem.
I feel like I am not being true to myself by shutting out my friends and family from this part of our lives. By our lives I mean DH and I. We have been ttc going on five years now with no success. It has been a long and bumpy road. We have had high moments and low ones. Has not be easy at all and we have triumphed through a lot to get to this point in our lives. I think that is what makes our marriage work so well together. We have this great understanding of one another and not only is DH my husband but he is also my best friend. Not many people can say that about their significant other.
I know that many people do not believe me when I say that I hold no secrets from my husband but it is true. There are no lies, no secrets, nothing hiding between the both of us. I am always open and honest with him and he is with me. We talk about everything with each other.
I suppose I hold high standards when it comes to honesty. Not even a white lie. There are certain ways that you can say things without having to tell a lie.
Here is an example of what I am talking about.
A husband looks at his wife and can tell that she is in pain and that the wife is about to ask him, "How do I look?" Of course the wife wants to be comforted and perhaps expects to be told, "You look wonderful", or "You look amazing." This is typically the scenario.
My DH always says that I look beautiful and even at my moments when I feel ugly he has this reassuring way of comforting me. I know that it is not a lie and sometimes I get more truth out of him and he will tell me, "Well, I can tell that you don't feel great but you always look beautiful to me." He has been such a wonderful person in my life and I often don't know what I would do without him. My husband is my rock and the foundation that holds me together.
So now I am brought back to my first question. Do I let my friends and family in on this part of my life. Of our life. I honestly do not know the answer. Perhaps I should do a test run and let one person see it and see what they think. The first person that comes to mind is my mother. She is a wonderful person who has through the years since I was younger, let me see who she is as a person and we have become good friends. I am able to see her for herself. Outside of just the mother daughter relationship. I believe when you are older that this is alright to do, but when your children are still young you should keep the parent child relationship the majority.
But what do I know? I am not even a parent yet. DH and I have big ideas on what we want to do and who we want to be. All of the planning in the world can not prepare us for what is ahead of us. I know that I will not forget all that I have prepared for. DH and I can not wait to be parents.
So do I dare to let my friends and family in on my blog and let them into a part of my life that is more personal? I just don't know the answer to that right now.
I just don't know what others will think of me. Do my friends and family really want to know about the most personal parts of my life. After all I am a pretty open person when it comes to letting people into my life. Though I feel comfortable with the people I open up to so that isn't a problem.
I feel like I am not being true to myself by shutting out my friends and family from this part of our lives. By our lives I mean DH and I. We have been ttc going on five years now with no success. It has been a long and bumpy road. We have had high moments and low ones. Has not be easy at all and we have triumphed through a lot to get to this point in our lives. I think that is what makes our marriage work so well together. We have this great understanding of one another and not only is DH my husband but he is also my best friend. Not many people can say that about their significant other.
I know that many people do not believe me when I say that I hold no secrets from my husband but it is true. There are no lies, no secrets, nothing hiding between the both of us. I am always open and honest with him and he is with me. We talk about everything with each other.
I suppose I hold high standards when it comes to honesty. Not even a white lie. There are certain ways that you can say things without having to tell a lie.
Here is an example of what I am talking about.
A husband looks at his wife and can tell that she is in pain and that the wife is about to ask him, "How do I look?" Of course the wife wants to be comforted and perhaps expects to be told, "You look wonderful", or "You look amazing." This is typically the scenario.
My DH always says that I look beautiful and even at my moments when I feel ugly he has this reassuring way of comforting me. I know that it is not a lie and sometimes I get more truth out of him and he will tell me, "Well, I can tell that you don't feel great but you always look beautiful to me." He has been such a wonderful person in my life and I often don't know what I would do without him. My husband is my rock and the foundation that holds me together.
So now I am brought back to my first question. Do I let my friends and family in on this part of my life. Of our life. I honestly do not know the answer. Perhaps I should do a test run and let one person see it and see what they think. The first person that comes to mind is my mother. She is a wonderful person who has through the years since I was younger, let me see who she is as a person and we have become good friends. I am able to see her for herself. Outside of just the mother daughter relationship. I believe when you are older that this is alright to do, but when your children are still young you should keep the parent child relationship the majority.
But what do I know? I am not even a parent yet. DH and I have big ideas on what we want to do and who we want to be. All of the planning in the world can not prepare us for what is ahead of us. I know that I will not forget all that I have prepared for. DH and I can not wait to be parents.
TTC Abbreviations, Just In Case You Were Wondering
Here are a few TTC Abbreviations
2ww | Two Week Wait
TWW | Two Week Wait
AF | Aunt Flo, menstruation, period
AFK | Away from keyboard/keys
AFM | As For Me
BBT | Basal Body Temperature
BC | Birth Control
BCP | Birth Control Pills
BD | Baby Dance, Sex
Beta | Blood test for PG
BFN | Big Fat Negative, negative home pregnancy test
BFP | Big Fat Positive, positive home pregnancy test
BMS | Baby-making sex
BW or B/W | Blood Work
CB | Cycle Buddy
CD | Cycle Day
CF | Cervical fluid
CM | Cervical Mucus
CP | Cervical Position
CY | Cycle
DH | Dear Husband
DP | Dancing Partner; spouse, or significant other
DPO | Days Past Ovulation
DW | Dear/Darling Wife
EC | Embryo Cyro/Freezing
EDD | Estimated Due Date
EWCM | Egg-White Cervical Mucus
FIL | Father-in-Law
FM | Fertility Monitor
FMU | First morning urine
FTTA | Fertile Thoughts To All
GP | General Practitioner
H&H | Happy and Healthy
HPT | Home Pregnancy Test
ICSI | Microfertilization
IF | Infertility
INF | Infertility
IUI | Intrauterine Insemination
IVF | In Vitro Fertilization
LH | Luteinizing Hormone - detected in OPKs
LMP | Last Menstrual Period
MC, m/c | Miscarriage
MIL | Mother-in-Law
O or OV | Ovulation
OB | Obstetrician
OHSS | Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome
OPK | Ovulation Predictor Kit
PCO, PCOD | Polycystic Ovary Disease
PCOS | Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome
PG | Pregnancy, pregnant
PNV | Prenatal Vitamin
SA | Semen Analysis
SAHM | Stay at Home Mom
TR | Tubal Reversal
TTC | Trying To Conceive
2ww | Two Week Wait
TWW | Two Week Wait
AF | Aunt Flo, menstruation, period
AFK | Away from keyboard/keys
AFM | As For Me
BBT | Basal Body Temperature
BC | Birth Control
BCP | Birth Control Pills
BD | Baby Dance, Sex
Beta | Blood test for PG
BFN | Big Fat Negative, negative home pregnancy test
BFP | Big Fat Positive, positive home pregnancy test
BMS | Baby-making sex
BW or B/W | Blood Work
CB | Cycle Buddy
CD | Cycle Day
CF | Cervical fluid
CM | Cervical Mucus
CP | Cervical Position
CY | Cycle
DH | Dear Husband
DP | Dancing Partner; spouse, or significant other
DPO | Days Past Ovulation
DW | Dear/Darling Wife
EC | Embryo Cyro/Freezing
EDD | Estimated Due Date
EWCM | Egg-White Cervical Mucus
FIL | Father-in-Law
FM | Fertility Monitor
FMU | First morning urine
FTTA | Fertile Thoughts To All
GP | General Practitioner
H&H | Happy and Healthy
HPT | Home Pregnancy Test
ICSI | Microfertilization
IF | Infertility
INF | Infertility
IUI | Intrauterine Insemination
IVF | In Vitro Fertilization
LH | Luteinizing Hormone - detected in OPKs
LMP | Last Menstrual Period
MC, m/c | Miscarriage
MIL | Mother-in-Law
O or OV | Ovulation
OB | Obstetrician
OHSS | Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome
OPK | Ovulation Predictor Kit
PCO, PCOD | Polycystic Ovary Disease
PCOS | Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome
PG | Pregnancy, pregnant
PNV | Prenatal Vitamin
SA | Semen Analysis
SAHM | Stay at Home Mom
TR | Tubal Reversal
TTC | Trying To Conceive
Just Being Nice (Another Old Blog Post)
Tuesday, May 5th, 2009
(I honestly don't remember what this was about anymore but thought I'd post it anyway. Another post from my first blog.)
When is 'just being nice' and replying to someone held to the expectation that you should or should not do something because you were the only person to reply? Curiously find myself wondering if I should actually of been respectful and replied to a group question. That is just the type of person that I am. I wonder if I should continue on the path that I am going down. The person who asked the group question is now putting on the pressure and I don't know if I want to continue in a relationship if this is how it is going to be. I do not take well to people who expect a lot from you after you meet them again. It has been nine years since I last saw this person and they are putting the pressure on me, I don't believe there is any nice way to say what I want to because everything I say seems to be taken the wrong way. They seem to be very sensitive. Hopefully after a night of restful sleep I'll have a more clear mind. Anyone else have this problem? Though I was not being completely specific.
(I honestly don't remember what this was about anymore but thought I'd post it anyway. Another post from my first blog.)
When is 'just being nice' and replying to someone held to the expectation that you should or should not do something because you were the only person to reply? Curiously find myself wondering if I should actually of been respectful and replied to a group question. That is just the type of person that I am. I wonder if I should continue on the path that I am going down. The person who asked the group question is now putting on the pressure and I don't know if I want to continue in a relationship if this is how it is going to be. I do not take well to people who expect a lot from you after you meet them again. It has been nine years since I last saw this person and they are putting the pressure on me, I don't believe there is any nice way to say what I want to because everything I say seems to be taken the wrong way. They seem to be very sensitive. Hopefully after a night of restful sleep I'll have a more clear mind. Anyone else have this problem? Though I was not being completely specific.
My Story With PCOS, What I Wrote Over A Year Ago On My Old Blog
Monday, April 20th 2009
As a child I developed earlier than most of my friends, aside from the fact that I was the oldest of my friends. My first period was at the age of 12 and by age 14 I was already beginning to notice problems in my cycles. Irregular, very strong and painful, heavy and began to gain weight. I was the heaviest out of all of my friends and it didn't seem to matter what I ate or didn't eat, the weight just packed on.
By the time I was 16 I began using BC pills and then about a year or so later began using Depo Provera, the wonderful injection that stopped my periods all together. I began to gain a lot more weight due to a side effect of taking Depo and also due to un-diagnosed PCOS.
By the time I met my DH before we were married I was over 200 lbs. When we decided to ttc we had been married for two years. I stopped using the depo and my period did not come back until I went to see the doctor that next year after ttc for over a year.
It was summer 2005 I was finally diagnosed with having PCOS and once AF came back it was every week, then every other week, then every three weeks, then back to every two, and then eventually every month.
I used Metformin to help regulate my cycles and had terrible side effects to taking the medicine.
I am leaving out the fact that during DH and my time together while ttc that I have gone through two back surgeries, gained a lot of weight and lost the weight. Now only about 80 pounds to go till I am at my goal.
I have used an injection (can't remember the name of it but it was used to stimulate the egg during my O day), I have used Clomid, and also Provera again for a month about two and a half years ago to help reduce the cysts on my ovaries.
My DH and I have been ttc again since September last year. Also since that time I decided after speaking with my doctor to try to go back on Metformin. My diet is drastically different than it was when I used it the first time. So using the medicine does not bother me they way it did the first time around.
I honestly believe now that I have experienced two miscarriages now in DH and my time while ttc, first time was January 2007, this last was just this February. Only two times when I had symptoms that where similar of pregnancy.
Now fast forwarding to the current year. I have been using Clomid for two months and am in my current cycle on cd27. I use a program called fertility friend, which is very helpful to help me track my cycles. I track my temp every morning at the exact same time every morning before I step out of bed. I track my cycle by using OPKs every month, check cervix position and if it is open or closed, check my CM.
I try to pay attention to if I have any unusual things happening. This month it is my nipple sensitivity, mild cramps now, increased bladder that leads me to run to the bathroom more frequently, as well as my temp is staying up and jumped up again this morning. Also was constipated all day yesterday. Aside from the fact that I just feel pregnant this month, and hope that I am right.
I am hoping that all of my symptoms this month are due to my being pregnant. Though no way to tell till I test with my testing buddy at the end of this week. As far as I know right now the feelings I am feeling are implantation and increased pressure in the abdomen causing pressure on my bladder and causing the constipation.
It has been a long road ttc and I hope that DH and my journey to parenthood will happen soon. It has been four and a half years of ttc, many couples may of given up by now.
I am one of the many who understand the want to be a mommy and raise a child of your own. However I will not leave out the possibility for adoption. I think I have a purpose in my life and would love to raise a child who needs me.
As a child I developed earlier than most of my friends, aside from the fact that I was the oldest of my friends. My first period was at the age of 12 and by age 14 I was already beginning to notice problems in my cycles. Irregular, very strong and painful, heavy and began to gain weight. I was the heaviest out of all of my friends and it didn't seem to matter what I ate or didn't eat, the weight just packed on.
By the time I was 16 I began using BC pills and then about a year or so later began using Depo Provera, the wonderful injection that stopped my periods all together. I began to gain a lot more weight due to a side effect of taking Depo and also due to un-diagnosed PCOS.
By the time I met my DH before we were married I was over 200 lbs. When we decided to ttc we had been married for two years. I stopped using the depo and my period did not come back until I went to see the doctor that next year after ttc for over a year.
It was summer 2005 I was finally diagnosed with having PCOS and once AF came back it was every week, then every other week, then every three weeks, then back to every two, and then eventually every month.
I used Metformin to help regulate my cycles and had terrible side effects to taking the medicine.
I am leaving out the fact that during DH and my time together while ttc that I have gone through two back surgeries, gained a lot of weight and lost the weight. Now only about 80 pounds to go till I am at my goal.
I have used an injection (can't remember the name of it but it was used to stimulate the egg during my O day), I have used Clomid, and also Provera again for a month about two and a half years ago to help reduce the cysts on my ovaries.
My DH and I have been ttc again since September last year. Also since that time I decided after speaking with my doctor to try to go back on Metformin. My diet is drastically different than it was when I used it the first time. So using the medicine does not bother me they way it did the first time around.
I honestly believe now that I have experienced two miscarriages now in DH and my time while ttc, first time was January 2007, this last was just this February. Only two times when I had symptoms that where similar of pregnancy.
Now fast forwarding to the current year. I have been using Clomid for two months and am in my current cycle on cd27. I use a program called fertility friend, which is very helpful to help me track my cycles. I track my temp every morning at the exact same time every morning before I step out of bed. I track my cycle by using OPKs every month, check cervix position and if it is open or closed, check my CM.
I try to pay attention to if I have any unusual things happening. This month it is my nipple sensitivity, mild cramps now, increased bladder that leads me to run to the bathroom more frequently, as well as my temp is staying up and jumped up again this morning. Also was constipated all day yesterday. Aside from the fact that I just feel pregnant this month, and hope that I am right.
I am hoping that all of my symptoms this month are due to my being pregnant. Though no way to tell till I test with my testing buddy at the end of this week. As far as I know right now the feelings I am feeling are implantation and increased pressure in the abdomen causing pressure on my bladder and causing the constipation.
It has been a long road ttc and I hope that DH and my journey to parenthood will happen soon. It has been four and a half years of ttc, many couples may of given up by now.
I am one of the many who understand the want to be a mommy and raise a child of your own. However I will not leave out the possibility for adoption. I think I have a purpose in my life and would love to raise a child who needs me.
Replies From Wineries And Restaurants On What's Vegan Friendly
I have written emails to many restaurants and wineries because I want to know which places accommodate to vegans. It has been difficult at times to go out and enjoy dinner with family and friends because most places do not have vegan menu items.
This is not the full list and I plan to make a master list once I have all the information put together.
So far these are what responses I have received.
California Pizza Kitchen let me know that all I have to do is ask for the manager and let me know my situation and they will accommodate me.
Dierdorf and Hart's said that they do offer a vegan salad option as well as sauteed, grilled, or steamed marinated vegetables for an entree option as well as non-vegan but vegetarian entrees.
Wild Horse Grill let me know that they can accommodate the vegan diet in the sense they they do cook everything from scratch. They also let me know that they can omit all animal products however it would be limited. They said that they are always open to suggestions.
Incredible Pizza Co. told me that their buffet consists of pizzas, pastas, dessert items and a huge salad bar. They would be happy to make me a vegetarian pizza with no cheese and I can choose a number of items from their salad bar. If I have any further questions just call and talk to their food service director.
I have had responses from a few wineries, most have needed further understanding on what "vegan" meant. I want to know which wineries use fining agents in their wine making process. If they are fined then they probably use gelatin or intestines to process their wine, otherwise if they do not what are they using?
West Winery & West Orchards told me that there is no known animal derived products in their wine, they do not use gelatin or intestines and their wine is filtered with plate and cartridge filters. So that is great news.
Oovvda Winery let me know that they only use the actual fruit in their wines like grapes, raspberries or cherries. They use products like sugar, water, citric acid, yeast or potassium sorbate. They only use bentonite clay in their wine for fining. So I am pleased to say I can enjoy their wine.
I received an email back from Grey Bear Vineyards, they loved my question and thought that it was very interesting. They let me know that they do not use any leather to store their wine into. They do not use isinglass either. They do not use gelatin, bull blood, or any milk products for clarification. Though their wines are not organic because they do use pesticides to help keep away bacteria, fungus, molds and pathogens. I was told that it is close to impossible to make organic wine in Missouri. However their wine is vegan. So that is great news, though I am learning more of what vegan really means.
Westphalia Vineyards let me know after looking up vegan standards that in their red wines they do add egg whites for fining because it adds clarification. The egg whites are charged and fall to the bottom of the barrel, they drag down oppositely charged material that could cloud the wine. The egg whites do not remain in the wine. So it sounds like I can not drink their red wine but can enjoy their white wine.
Bommarito Estate Almond Tree Winery let me know that their fermentation of their wine does not include any items that are animal. They told me that some wineries use egg whites however their winery does not. They said that the fining processes used are sodium bentonite and then racking off the lees and gravity fining several times to get clarification. They do not use gelatin, casein or isinglass, and never have used them before.
Jowler Creek Vineyard & Winery told me that there are no animal derived products in their wine and that it is fully vegan. However I do not know how their wine is fined.
Rolling Meadows Vineyards told me that on rare occasions they use egg whites to clarify but have not done that in several seasons. Otherwise they do not use fining in their wine.
Cousins Subs told me that I could eat their veggie or hot veggie sub. However I would have to omit the sauce in their hot veggie sub because it also holds the meatballs for their meatball sub.
Chili's Grill & Bar gave me several ideas for what I could eat. Normally Chili's is not a vegan friendly place however they can try to modify a dish or I would be welcome to eat other items on their menu that are vegan friendly. Examples would be their tortillas, salad without all of their ingredients, salsa picante, rice, guacamole, kettle black beans, and a variety of veggies requested to be made without butter, oil or parmasan.
Red Robin let me know that their garden and boca burger and not vegan. Though the last time I was there their surver said the boca burger was and I ate one. I was told via email that I could enjoy their rice bowl minus fried linguini and chicken. And they can customize other dishes as well.
Brinker International Restaurants, which owns Chilis, Maggiano's Little Italy, On The Border and Romano's Macaroni Grill let me know that their company dietitian put together a list of suggested menu items suitable for vegetarian diets. Some of their ideas include tomato bruschetta without cheese or house salad without cheese. However if I do dine at their restaurant I will probably speak to the manager to see what items I can enjoy.
Grappa Grill let me know that they can accommodate my needs and to let them know when I am coming and they will be able to prepare a dish that I can enjoy. Some of the ideas that he gave me that I could enjoy are onion straws, spinach artichoke dip or salad. However I believe he was confused by what I meant when I said, 'vegan'.
Cooper's Oak Winery told me that they do not use any animal products in their wine making but to call them for further questions about their wine. So I don't know if I can enjoy their wine for sure or not because they did not let me know how it is fined. That is alright.
Culpeppers asked me to call their district manager because the person who received my email is unfamiliar with what a vegan diet consists of.
The Pasta House Co. let me know that they probably can not accommodate me. I wrote the catering email because in the future I may like to use them for an event. However it looks like they can not meet the needs of vegans, though they can for vegetarians. I should call their district office for more information.
Imo's Pizza asked me to call the location closest to me for information on their ingredients.
Fox and Hound let me know that they have no items that can accommodate a vegan diet. However if I would like I can call directly and discuss a few items that may be modified to meet the needs of a vegan diet.
Riverwood Winery let me know that they use no animal products in their wine making and to call if I had any further questions. I did not find how their wine is fined.
Hemman Winery let me know that they use chemicals but don't think they come from animal, they do not use animal products in their wine making. I was not told how their wine is fined.
St. James Winery told me that they do use some products that are derived from fish because it is a product vintage dependant. They do not use it in all of their wine making and some of their products contain nothing.
Syberg's Restaurant told that that they have several options available. All of their items can be made to order so I can ask for most anything and they will modify it to my liking. I actually ate some shark their years back and it wasn't bad. However I told think they can take the shark out of shark bites.
Sainte Genevieve Winery let me know that after a little research they believe that their wine is vegan. They use fresh grapes from their vineyard, real fruit and pure cane sugar. I believe most wineries do use these products for their sweet wines. They also let me know that they use bentonite, which is clay. So they are confident in saying that their wine is vegan. It is not organic though. Later this year they have a Concord 08 coming out which they will be fining with egg whites, so that will be the only wine that I can not drink.
Ruby Tuesday let me know that I can enjoy their Fresh Garden Bar, but it is used at the guests discretion. Their veggie burger is not vegan because it contains mayo and can not be omitted because it is in the veggie mix.
Ferrigno Winery let me know that they do not use gelatin or intestines for fining or anything else. And as far as they know they do not use any animal derived products in the production of their wine.
Subway gave me a generic answer and referred me to visit their website for nutritional information. And that all of their locations list the nutritional information. So I suppose I have to do my own work to find out if I can eat anything there or not. Probably all of their vegetables are safe for people on a vegan diet and possibly their white bread. Though that may be about it.
Papa John's Pizza decided not to write back an email and instead called another store location for my phone number so that they could personally reply back to me and answer all of my questions. The manager of a store close to me told me that as far as he knew the dough and sauce used is completely vegan. He then told me all of the ingredients that are used in both and yes they are vegan. He then told me that unfortunately they only carry cheese that is dairy at this time but I can order a pizza without cheese and put vegetables on it. He told me that he has actually had a cheese-less pizza before with vegetables on it and you can really taste all of the ingredients and it was great. I thanked him for contacting me and getting the information to me. So it sounds like yes, I can order a cheese-less pizza through Papa John's loaded with veggies.
Kobe Japanese Steakhouse and Sushi let me know that I can not eat their fried rice but can enjoy their white rice with some vegetables.
Crown Valley Winery replied with a simple, yes it is vegan. So I have no idea how their wine is fined so I may call to get further answers.
Serra's Pizzeria let me know that they can make a cheese-less pizza for me and referred me to their menu on their website. They said that they have many vegan and vegetarian customers who enjoy their offerings.
Uno Chicago Grill replied with a link to their website and that they can make a deep dish pizza without cheese, just let them know when I come to their restaurant what I need.
IHOP Restaurant let me know that their restaurant does not support a vegan diet. They have items that vegetarians can eat but nothing that is suitable for vegans. So unfortunately I can not dine their.
River Ridge Winery replied with a yes, their wine is vegan. They let me know that their wine is clarified through settling and are basically fermented grapes. They said that yeast is added to their wine and to try their new releases they have coming out.
Meramec Vineyards let me know that they do not use any animal derived products in their wine. They did not let me know how their wine is fined so I may call to ask a few further questions.
Domino's Pizza is referring my email to an appropriate department, that way they can answer all of my questions and give me better answers to what I can enjoy. I hope I get a positive reply from them.
Cracker Barrel replied to me and let me know that all of their fried products are fried in the same oil. So vegetarian and meat are fried in the same fryer. However I can still eat their salad, oatmeal or a baked potato. It kind of sickens me to be told now that all of the food fried is done in the same fry oil, because I have still gone to their restaurant a few times since I first became a vegetarian back January 2008. So even though I was eating vegetables, they were still coming into contact with meat fried foods. Gross. At least I know this information now.
LongHorn Steakhouse let me know that they respect the personal lifestyle choices I have made however none of their menu items fully meet those requirements. Which is alright with me. The sight of a bloody steak really makes me ill anyway. Haven't dined at a steakhouse in over a year and several months anyway.
Oberweis Dairy wrote me back and let me know that though I can not enjoy most of their ice cream products I can enjoy their coffee, smoothies and their sorbet. Being that they meet the criteria of vegan standards.
The Emperor's Palace replied and let me know that I can still enjoy some of what they offer. They have a vegetarian section on their menu as well as their buffet offers some variety for vegetarians.
Applebee's wrote back and let me know that the server or kitchen manager on duty can let me know what is available when I am dining at their restaurant. They also said that they can not claim to be vegan and their products may have trace amounts of animal products in them due to how they are prepared and cooked. That is why I have to ask when I go in, however I believe salad is a safe bet for me at this restaurant.
Summit Lake Winery replied and said that as far as anyone knows, their wine is vegan. So no information on how their wine is fined and if I want to enjoy their wine I will have to call to get more information.
Heinrichshaus Vineyards and Winery wrote back to me with a very entertaining reply. They told me that their wine is totally vegan and that the only animal derived products used in their wine making are the kind that help prune, pick and help bottle. Which are rewarded with a glass of their good product periodically. IE-people are the only animals used in their wine making. I may call them to ask further questions and see how their wine is fined.
Cici's Pizza Buffet let me know that they are happy to help anyone who has food allergies or has specific requests. I was given a list of items that they knew for sure were safe for me to enjoy. A few examples are their pizza dough, pizza sauce and french dressing. So it sounds like the next time I am out with friends or family and we go to Cici's I can request a vegan pizza to be made. Maybe I can get the whole pizza and cut it myself, that way no chance of contamination by pizza slicer.
Seven Springs Winery wrote me back with a follow up reply letting me know that their wines are aged in oak or stainless steal tanks and not fined with things like gelatin or intestines. So it does sound that their wine may be a safe bet for me to enjoy.
The Cheesecake Factory replied and let me know that they do not have a vegan or vegetarian section on their menu, however their dishes can be modified to accommodate. They listed several menu items for me so I could get an idea on what dishes I can still enjoy. However I may just stick with the salad if I visit with friends or family. I was told to ask the server or manager to help me with menu items when I next visited. That way I can enjoy their food and modify it to my liking.
I received an email from a chief for Ponderosa Steakhouse and Bonanza Restaurants. I was told that none of their menu items are available for vegans however their salad bar does. Which is good to know. Salad is usually a safe bet no matter where you are dining.
Panera Bread wrote me back and referred me to the nutritional information because it should list what I can and can not eat. I was told the reason why they do not list any of their products under a vegan category is because many people have different versions on what they consider to be a vegan diet. I can request to see a list when I am at their restaurant or by going to their website I should be able to read a list everything they provide.
Bob Evans replied with a generic 'we have received your email' message. I hope to hear back from them soon and look forward to their response.
T.G.I. Fridays wrote back and referred me to their website restaurant locater. I was told that I need to talk to the manager of the restaurant and they will be able to answer any questions that I may have. Suppose all locations are not the same. Though I don't believe I can eat much on their menu at this time anyway. I am sure some things can be modified and there is always salad.
Einstein Bagels replied with attached pages of nutritional information for me to view. Like Panera Bread, I suppose I have to do the research for myself. Which is fine. I will view what I can and can not consume in my own time.
Hermannhof Vineyards replied tonight and let me know that all of their white wines use no product in it. However a few of their red wines like their Norton, Chambourcin and Stagswood are sometimes treated with casein powder. This would also be the only product that they use. Which is good news because I have had their wine before and it is very tasty. This winery is located in Hermann, Missouri.
Another winery in Hermann, MO is a winery called Stone Hill Winery. Stone Hill was the first winery I wrote to find out if I could continue to enjoy drinking their wine. I received a fast reply from them and it was the most lengthy and detailed response I have received from any one yet.
I was told that Stone Hill does use some protein fining agents when the particular wine they are working on will benefit from it. Their most common they said is bentonite clay, which is used to clarify and stabilize their wine. Then went on to say that their protein fining agents are used to react with tannins or phenolic compounds in their wine, which I understand is used more in their red wines but also used in some of their white wines and juice.
I learned that in Stone Hill's history they have used on rare occasions isinglass or egg whites. However these things are used in more expensive wines due to the cost of using them. Casein is rarely used because it can have a stripping effect on the flavor of the wine. That is why gelatin is more gentle and has been used more regularly, though silica gel is the preferred treatment that they use more often. Apparently the frequency of use depends on the year of the grape variety.
It sounds like Stone Hill uses the bentonite clay as their standard fining. I was recommended to look for wines listed as 'unfined' or 'unfiltered' that way I would know they were not made using fining agents. They closed their reply to me by letting me know that none of their wines satisfy the criteria for vegan. I also understand that there seem to be very few on the market and was reminded of that.
Even though I can not enjoy wine made by Stone Hill Winery I have enjoyed their wine in the past. It has amazingly wonderful flavor, texture and clarity. I understand the reason for why fining agents are used in wine and do not fault them for using these 'listed' methods to fine their wine, however being on my vegan diet wish not to consume any animal ingredients.
This is the list of restaurants and wineries that I wrote.
Chevys
Fridays
Applebees
Taco Bell
Subway
Penn Station
Quiznos
Pizza Hut
Little Caesars
Cici's Pizza
Olive Garden
Original Pancake House
Tony's on main street
Little Hills Winery
Bellacinos Grinders
Concetta's St. Charles
Gingham's Homestyle Restaurant
Tequila Mexican Restaurant
Grappa Grill
Papa Johns
Cracker Barrel
Domino's
Golden Corral
Imo's Pizza
McAlister's deli
Panera Bread
Mr. Goodcents subs and pastas
Cecil Whittaker's Pizza
Jack in the box
Brickhouse Bistro
Starbucks Coffee
Java G's
Wendy's
Ihop
Bob Evans
Stake n Shake
Denny's
Red Lobster
Longhorn Steakhouse
Hometown Buffet (country buffet, old country buffet)
Serra's Pizzeria
Culpeppers
Pasta House
Ponderosa Steakhouse
Bandana's bbq
Pizza Street
Lone Star Steakhouse
Dierdorf & Hart's Steakhouse
Romano's Macaroni Grill
Syberg's on Dorsett
Syberg's on Gravois
Raj's Rasoi authentic indian cuisine
Fuddruckers
Incredible Pizza Company
Max & Erma's
Red Robin
Kobe Steakhouse
Ruby Tuesday
Chili's grill & bar
Palenque Grill
Off the Grill
Talayna's Italian Restaurant
Sbarro
The Melting Pot
Uno Chicago Grill
California Pizza Kitchen
Wild Horse Grill
Mimis Cafe
Fox and Hound Restaurant
The Old Spaghetti Factory
Ben & Jerry's
Bacana Brasil
Emperor's Palace
Cousins Subs
Crazy Bowls and Wraps
East Coast Pizza
Einstein Bros Bagels
Hunan Empress
San Sai Japanese Grill
The Cheesecake Factory
Oberweis
This is not the full list and I plan to make a master list once I have all the information put together.
So far these are what responses I have received.
California Pizza Kitchen let me know that all I have to do is ask for the manager and let me know my situation and they will accommodate me.
Dierdorf and Hart's said that they do offer a vegan salad option as well as sauteed, grilled, or steamed marinated vegetables for an entree option as well as non-vegan but vegetarian entrees.
Wild Horse Grill let me know that they can accommodate the vegan diet in the sense they they do cook everything from scratch. They also let me know that they can omit all animal products however it would be limited. They said that they are always open to suggestions.
Incredible Pizza Co. told me that their buffet consists of pizzas, pastas, dessert items and a huge salad bar. They would be happy to make me a vegetarian pizza with no cheese and I can choose a number of items from their salad bar. If I have any further questions just call and talk to their food service director.
I have had responses from a few wineries, most have needed further understanding on what "vegan" meant. I want to know which wineries use fining agents in their wine making process. If they are fined then they probably use gelatin or intestines to process their wine, otherwise if they do not what are they using?
West Winery & West Orchards told me that there is no known animal derived products in their wine, they do not use gelatin or intestines and their wine is filtered with plate and cartridge filters. So that is great news.
Oovvda Winery let me know that they only use the actual fruit in their wines like grapes, raspberries or cherries. They use products like sugar, water, citric acid, yeast or potassium sorbate. They only use bentonite clay in their wine for fining. So I am pleased to say I can enjoy their wine.
I received an email back from Grey Bear Vineyards, they loved my question and thought that it was very interesting. They let me know that they do not use any leather to store their wine into. They do not use isinglass either. They do not use gelatin, bull blood, or any milk products for clarification. Though their wines are not organic because they do use pesticides to help keep away bacteria, fungus, molds and pathogens. I was told that it is close to impossible to make organic wine in Missouri. However their wine is vegan. So that is great news, though I am learning more of what vegan really means.
Westphalia Vineyards let me know after looking up vegan standards that in their red wines they do add egg whites for fining because it adds clarification. The egg whites are charged and fall to the bottom of the barrel, they drag down oppositely charged material that could cloud the wine. The egg whites do not remain in the wine. So it sounds like I can not drink their red wine but can enjoy their white wine.
Bommarito Estate Almond Tree Winery let me know that their fermentation of their wine does not include any items that are animal. They told me that some wineries use egg whites however their winery does not. They said that the fining processes used are sodium bentonite and then racking off the lees and gravity fining several times to get clarification. They do not use gelatin, casein or isinglass, and never have used them before.
Jowler Creek Vineyard & Winery told me that there are no animal derived products in their wine and that it is fully vegan. However I do not know how their wine is fined.
Rolling Meadows Vineyards told me that on rare occasions they use egg whites to clarify but have not done that in several seasons. Otherwise they do not use fining in their wine.
Cousins Subs told me that I could eat their veggie or hot veggie sub. However I would have to omit the sauce in their hot veggie sub because it also holds the meatballs for their meatball sub.
Chili's Grill & Bar gave me several ideas for what I could eat. Normally Chili's is not a vegan friendly place however they can try to modify a dish or I would be welcome to eat other items on their menu that are vegan friendly. Examples would be their tortillas, salad without all of their ingredients, salsa picante, rice, guacamole, kettle black beans, and a variety of veggies requested to be made without butter, oil or parmasan.
Red Robin let me know that their garden and boca burger and not vegan. Though the last time I was there their surver said the boca burger was and I ate one. I was told via email that I could enjoy their rice bowl minus fried linguini and chicken. And they can customize other dishes as well.
Brinker International Restaurants, which owns Chilis, Maggiano's Little Italy, On The Border and Romano's Macaroni Grill let me know that their company dietitian put together a list of suggested menu items suitable for vegetarian diets. Some of their ideas include tomato bruschetta without cheese or house salad without cheese. However if I do dine at their restaurant I will probably speak to the manager to see what items I can enjoy.
Grappa Grill let me know that they can accommodate my needs and to let them know when I am coming and they will be able to prepare a dish that I can enjoy. Some of the ideas that he gave me that I could enjoy are onion straws, spinach artichoke dip or salad. However I believe he was confused by what I meant when I said, 'vegan'.
Cooper's Oak Winery told me that they do not use any animal products in their wine making but to call them for further questions about their wine. So I don't know if I can enjoy their wine for sure or not because they did not let me know how it is fined. That is alright.
Culpeppers asked me to call their district manager because the person who received my email is unfamiliar with what a vegan diet consists of.
The Pasta House Co. let me know that they probably can not accommodate me. I wrote the catering email because in the future I may like to use them for an event. However it looks like they can not meet the needs of vegans, though they can for vegetarians. I should call their district office for more information.
Imo's Pizza asked me to call the location closest to me for information on their ingredients.
Fox and Hound let me know that they have no items that can accommodate a vegan diet. However if I would like I can call directly and discuss a few items that may be modified to meet the needs of a vegan diet.
Riverwood Winery let me know that they use no animal products in their wine making and to call if I had any further questions. I did not find how their wine is fined.
Hemman Winery let me know that they use chemicals but don't think they come from animal, they do not use animal products in their wine making. I was not told how their wine is fined.
St. James Winery told me that they do use some products that are derived from fish because it is a product vintage dependant. They do not use it in all of their wine making and some of their products contain nothing.
Syberg's Restaurant told that that they have several options available. All of their items can be made to order so I can ask for most anything and they will modify it to my liking. I actually ate some shark their years back and it wasn't bad. However I told think they can take the shark out of shark bites.
Sainte Genevieve Winery let me know that after a little research they believe that their wine is vegan. They use fresh grapes from their vineyard, real fruit and pure cane sugar. I believe most wineries do use these products for their sweet wines. They also let me know that they use bentonite, which is clay. So they are confident in saying that their wine is vegan. It is not organic though. Later this year they have a Concord 08 coming out which they will be fining with egg whites, so that will be the only wine that I can not drink.
Ruby Tuesday let me know that I can enjoy their Fresh Garden Bar, but it is used at the guests discretion. Their veggie burger is not vegan because it contains mayo and can not be omitted because it is in the veggie mix.
Ferrigno Winery let me know that they do not use gelatin or intestines for fining or anything else. And as far as they know they do not use any animal derived products in the production of their wine.
Subway gave me a generic answer and referred me to visit their website for nutritional information. And that all of their locations list the nutritional information. So I suppose I have to do my own work to find out if I can eat anything there or not. Probably all of their vegetables are safe for people on a vegan diet and possibly their white bread. Though that may be about it.
Papa John's Pizza decided not to write back an email and instead called another store location for my phone number so that they could personally reply back to me and answer all of my questions. The manager of a store close to me told me that as far as he knew the dough and sauce used is completely vegan. He then told me all of the ingredients that are used in both and yes they are vegan. He then told me that unfortunately they only carry cheese that is dairy at this time but I can order a pizza without cheese and put vegetables on it. He told me that he has actually had a cheese-less pizza before with vegetables on it and you can really taste all of the ingredients and it was great. I thanked him for contacting me and getting the information to me. So it sounds like yes, I can order a cheese-less pizza through Papa John's loaded with veggies.
Kobe Japanese Steakhouse and Sushi let me know that I can not eat their fried rice but can enjoy their white rice with some vegetables.
Crown Valley Winery replied with a simple, yes it is vegan. So I have no idea how their wine is fined so I may call to get further answers.
Serra's Pizzeria let me know that they can make a cheese-less pizza for me and referred me to their menu on their website. They said that they have many vegan and vegetarian customers who enjoy their offerings.
Uno Chicago Grill replied with a link to their website and that they can make a deep dish pizza without cheese, just let them know when I come to their restaurant what I need.
IHOP Restaurant let me know that their restaurant does not support a vegan diet. They have items that vegetarians can eat but nothing that is suitable for vegans. So unfortunately I can not dine their.
River Ridge Winery replied with a yes, their wine is vegan. They let me know that their wine is clarified through settling and are basically fermented grapes. They said that yeast is added to their wine and to try their new releases they have coming out.
Meramec Vineyards let me know that they do not use any animal derived products in their wine. They did not let me know how their wine is fined so I may call to ask a few further questions.
Domino's Pizza is referring my email to an appropriate department, that way they can answer all of my questions and give me better answers to what I can enjoy. I hope I get a positive reply from them.
Cracker Barrel replied to me and let me know that all of their fried products are fried in the same oil. So vegetarian and meat are fried in the same fryer. However I can still eat their salad, oatmeal or a baked potato. It kind of sickens me to be told now that all of the food fried is done in the same fry oil, because I have still gone to their restaurant a few times since I first became a vegetarian back January 2008. So even though I was eating vegetables, they were still coming into contact with meat fried foods. Gross. At least I know this information now.
LongHorn Steakhouse let me know that they respect the personal lifestyle choices I have made however none of their menu items fully meet those requirements. Which is alright with me. The sight of a bloody steak really makes me ill anyway. Haven't dined at a steakhouse in over a year and several months anyway.
Oberweis Dairy wrote me back and let me know that though I can not enjoy most of their ice cream products I can enjoy their coffee, smoothies and their sorbet. Being that they meet the criteria of vegan standards.
The Emperor's Palace replied and let me know that I can still enjoy some of what they offer. They have a vegetarian section on their menu as well as their buffet offers some variety for vegetarians.
Applebee's wrote back and let me know that the server or kitchen manager on duty can let me know what is available when I am dining at their restaurant. They also said that they can not claim to be vegan and their products may have trace amounts of animal products in them due to how they are prepared and cooked. That is why I have to ask when I go in, however I believe salad is a safe bet for me at this restaurant.
Summit Lake Winery replied and said that as far as anyone knows, their wine is vegan. So no information on how their wine is fined and if I want to enjoy their wine I will have to call to get more information.
Heinrichshaus Vineyards and Winery wrote back to me with a very entertaining reply. They told me that their wine is totally vegan and that the only animal derived products used in their wine making are the kind that help prune, pick and help bottle. Which are rewarded with a glass of their good product periodically. IE-people are the only animals used in their wine making. I may call them to ask further questions and see how their wine is fined.
Cici's Pizza Buffet let me know that they are happy to help anyone who has food allergies or has specific requests. I was given a list of items that they knew for sure were safe for me to enjoy. A few examples are their pizza dough, pizza sauce and french dressing. So it sounds like the next time I am out with friends or family and we go to Cici's I can request a vegan pizza to be made. Maybe I can get the whole pizza and cut it myself, that way no chance of contamination by pizza slicer.
Seven Springs Winery wrote me back with a follow up reply letting me know that their wines are aged in oak or stainless steal tanks and not fined with things like gelatin or intestines. So it does sound that their wine may be a safe bet for me to enjoy.
The Cheesecake Factory replied and let me know that they do not have a vegan or vegetarian section on their menu, however their dishes can be modified to accommodate. They listed several menu items for me so I could get an idea on what dishes I can still enjoy. However I may just stick with the salad if I visit with friends or family. I was told to ask the server or manager to help me with menu items when I next visited. That way I can enjoy their food and modify it to my liking.
I received an email from a chief for Ponderosa Steakhouse and Bonanza Restaurants. I was told that none of their menu items are available for vegans however their salad bar does. Which is good to know. Salad is usually a safe bet no matter where you are dining.
Panera Bread wrote me back and referred me to the nutritional information because it should list what I can and can not eat. I was told the reason why they do not list any of their products under a vegan category is because many people have different versions on what they consider to be a vegan diet. I can request to see a list when I am at their restaurant or by going to their website I should be able to read a list everything they provide.
Bob Evans replied with a generic 'we have received your email' message. I hope to hear back from them soon and look forward to their response.
T.G.I. Fridays wrote back and referred me to their website restaurant locater. I was told that I need to talk to the manager of the restaurant and they will be able to answer any questions that I may have. Suppose all locations are not the same. Though I don't believe I can eat much on their menu at this time anyway. I am sure some things can be modified and there is always salad.
Einstein Bagels replied with attached pages of nutritional information for me to view. Like Panera Bread, I suppose I have to do the research for myself. Which is fine. I will view what I can and can not consume in my own time.
Hermannhof Vineyards replied tonight and let me know that all of their white wines use no product in it. However a few of their red wines like their Norton, Chambourcin and Stagswood are sometimes treated with casein powder. This would also be the only product that they use. Which is good news because I have had their wine before and it is very tasty. This winery is located in Hermann, Missouri.
Another winery in Hermann, MO is a winery called Stone Hill Winery. Stone Hill was the first winery I wrote to find out if I could continue to enjoy drinking their wine. I received a fast reply from them and it was the most lengthy and detailed response I have received from any one yet.
I was told that Stone Hill does use some protein fining agents when the particular wine they are working on will benefit from it. Their most common they said is bentonite clay, which is used to clarify and stabilize their wine. Then went on to say that their protein fining agents are used to react with tannins or phenolic compounds in their wine, which I understand is used more in their red wines but also used in some of their white wines and juice.
I learned that in Stone Hill's history they have used on rare occasions isinglass or egg whites. However these things are used in more expensive wines due to the cost of using them. Casein is rarely used because it can have a stripping effect on the flavor of the wine. That is why gelatin is more gentle and has been used more regularly, though silica gel is the preferred treatment that they use more often. Apparently the frequency of use depends on the year of the grape variety.
It sounds like Stone Hill uses the bentonite clay as their standard fining. I was recommended to look for wines listed as 'unfined' or 'unfiltered' that way I would know they were not made using fining agents. They closed their reply to me by letting me know that none of their wines satisfy the criteria for vegan. I also understand that there seem to be very few on the market and was reminded of that.
Even though I can not enjoy wine made by Stone Hill Winery I have enjoyed their wine in the past. It has amazingly wonderful flavor, texture and clarity. I understand the reason for why fining agents are used in wine and do not fault them for using these 'listed' methods to fine their wine, however being on my vegan diet wish not to consume any animal ingredients.
This is the list of restaurants and wineries that I wrote.
Chevys
Fridays
Applebees
Taco Bell
Subway
Penn Station
Quiznos
Pizza Hut
Little Caesars
Cici's Pizza
Olive Garden
Original Pancake House
Tony's on main street
Little Hills Winery
Bellacinos Grinders
Concetta's St. Charles
Gingham's Homestyle Restaurant
Tequila Mexican Restaurant
Grappa Grill
Papa Johns
Cracker Barrel
Domino's
Golden Corral
Imo's Pizza
McAlister's deli
Panera Bread
Mr. Goodcents subs and pastas
Cecil Whittaker's Pizza
Jack in the box
Brickhouse Bistro
Starbucks Coffee
Java G's
Wendy's
Ihop
Bob Evans
Stake n Shake
Denny's
Red Lobster
Longhorn Steakhouse
Hometown Buffet (country buffet, old country buffet)
Serra's Pizzeria
Culpeppers
Pasta House
Ponderosa Steakhouse
Bandana's bbq
Pizza Street
Lone Star Steakhouse
Dierdorf & Hart's Steakhouse
Romano's Macaroni Grill
Syberg's on Dorsett
Syberg's on Gravois
Raj's Rasoi authentic indian cuisine
Fuddruckers
Incredible Pizza Company
Max & Erma's
Red Robin
Kobe Steakhouse
Ruby Tuesday
Chili's grill & bar
Palenque Grill
Off the Grill
Talayna's Italian Restaurant
Sbarro
The Melting Pot
Uno Chicago Grill
California Pizza Kitchen
Wild Horse Grill
Mimis Cafe
Fox and Hound Restaurant
The Old Spaghetti Factory
Ben & Jerry's
Bacana Brasil
Emperor's Palace
Cousins Subs
Crazy Bowls and Wraps
East Coast Pizza
Einstein Bros Bagels
Hunan Empress
San Sai Japanese Grill
The Cheesecake Factory
Oberweis
Support From Family And Friends (Old Blog Post)
Friday, February 20th, 2009
Having a caring and supportive group of family and friends is important to me. Being able to know that what ever I am currently facing people I care about will be there for me. However I do not fully express with everyone the intimate details of my life.
No matter what the topic is I find that most people can find someone who they can relate to.
I have triumphed through the tests and trials of life and continue to face new challenges. I am a more peaceful and spiritual person now than before. I find myself being more aware of my surroundings and am mindful of how I live my life.
When I think about myself compared to others, I don't believe that I am what you would consider your typical TTC lady. I have gone through multiple surgeries, treatments and therapy, and having PCOS is the icing on the cake. This makes TTC a difficult task along with doing regular chores and going out with friends. Being disabled makes life complicated and sometimes can feel like life is more difficult than it really is. I have grown as a person and work with my disability, it is not a crutch to hold me back from doing things that I want to do.
I have goals in life other than being a Mommy one day. One of my hobbies I enjoy is photography and hope to be able to have it as my career. I love being able to share my talent with others and being able to give a gift that will last a lifetime.
I have been wondering lately if this time in my life is the right time to be able to open up and share our TTC with all of our family and friends. Not everyone knows. I know that some people have the difficulty with opening up to others because they feel there could be judgment on them for their choice, or that they will not get the support that they are hoping for.
Currently I feel like I am on the wire about telling all of our family and friends. Ironically I do not seem to have a problem with sharing my story and experiences with the rest of the world. It is that void of judgment. I am not a secretive person at all and if someone asks me about something I tell them what I feel and think with complete honesty. That is not the problem here.
The reason for my writing here is because I am working through things. If we were to get PG, told everyone but did not carry to term then I would not want to hurt our family or friends. I believe mostly that it would feel more hurt because I told everyone to quickly. After the first trimester in PG you are more capable to carry the child to full term. Right now the plan is when we are PG we only plan on telling a few people if any and then tell everyone else when we are ready. I know many people feel that doing that is best, rather than tell everyone right away. However we may change our mind and tell everyone right away when it happens.
Today is CD1 and still nothing has happened. Though my thoughts of my cycle happening is bothering me because of what has happened in the past. Hopeful each month and then the cycle comes, and all feeling of hope and happiness feels lost. That is why many couples see a specialist after trying on their own. We have been TTC for over four years and decided to try on our own again and then afterward if not successful would talk to the doctor about seeing a specialist.
I have been told before by friends that "..once you stop trying it will probably happen right away." Perhaps they are right but the only friends I know have never been in our situation. Having a child just happened for them without trying.
So I remain waiting still and hope for the best. I want everything to work out for us. I want to make my husband a daddy. I want us to be healthy and happy.
Have you ever noticed that everyone always seems to say something like, "At least you have your health." or when a child is coming into the world the parents and family say, "We just want a healthy baby." ? I just think that is an interesting observation, that is all.
Having a caring and supportive group of family and friends is important to me. Being able to know that what ever I am currently facing people I care about will be there for me. However I do not fully express with everyone the intimate details of my life.
No matter what the topic is I find that most people can find someone who they can relate to.
I have triumphed through the tests and trials of life and continue to face new challenges. I am a more peaceful and spiritual person now than before. I find myself being more aware of my surroundings and am mindful of how I live my life.
When I think about myself compared to others, I don't believe that I am what you would consider your typical TTC lady. I have gone through multiple surgeries, treatments and therapy, and having PCOS is the icing on the cake. This makes TTC a difficult task along with doing regular chores and going out with friends. Being disabled makes life complicated and sometimes can feel like life is more difficult than it really is. I have grown as a person and work with my disability, it is not a crutch to hold me back from doing things that I want to do.
I have goals in life other than being a Mommy one day. One of my hobbies I enjoy is photography and hope to be able to have it as my career. I love being able to share my talent with others and being able to give a gift that will last a lifetime.
I have been wondering lately if this time in my life is the right time to be able to open up and share our TTC with all of our family and friends. Not everyone knows. I know that some people have the difficulty with opening up to others because they feel there could be judgment on them for their choice, or that they will not get the support that they are hoping for.
Currently I feel like I am on the wire about telling all of our family and friends. Ironically I do not seem to have a problem with sharing my story and experiences with the rest of the world. It is that void of judgment. I am not a secretive person at all and if someone asks me about something I tell them what I feel and think with complete honesty. That is not the problem here.
The reason for my writing here is because I am working through things. If we were to get PG, told everyone but did not carry to term then I would not want to hurt our family or friends. I believe mostly that it would feel more hurt because I told everyone to quickly. After the first trimester in PG you are more capable to carry the child to full term. Right now the plan is when we are PG we only plan on telling a few people if any and then tell everyone else when we are ready. I know many people feel that doing that is best, rather than tell everyone right away. However we may change our mind and tell everyone right away when it happens.
Today is CD1 and still nothing has happened. Though my thoughts of my cycle happening is bothering me because of what has happened in the past. Hopeful each month and then the cycle comes, and all feeling of hope and happiness feels lost. That is why many couples see a specialist after trying on their own. We have been TTC for over four years and decided to try on our own again and then afterward if not successful would talk to the doctor about seeing a specialist.
I have been told before by friends that "..once you stop trying it will probably happen right away." Perhaps they are right but the only friends I know have never been in our situation. Having a child just happened for them without trying.
So I remain waiting still and hope for the best. I want everything to work out for us. I want to make my husband a daddy. I want us to be healthy and happy.
Have you ever noticed that everyone always seems to say something like, "At least you have your health." or when a child is coming into the world the parents and family say, "We just want a healthy baby." ? I just think that is an interesting observation, that is all.
My 1st TTC Introduction From My First Blog, TTC In St.Charles
Friday, February 20th, 2009
My husband and I have been together going on seven years now. We have gone through so much together as well as TTC for about four and a half years.
When I was growing up my cycle was continuously irregular and I also had difficulty with my weight. So it was not a surprise to me when I found out in early 2005 that I had PCOS. That year I began to use Metformin, the generic for Glucophage, which helps regulate my cycles. Unfortunately I was not used to the side effects so after having what felt like allergic reactions I discontinued taking the medicine.
By December 2006 we were TTC again and a missed month in January had us hopeful that we were PG. We were hoping that we would be PG this time because we had the help of using Clomid and had been seeing a fertility specialist. However after taking several HPT's within a week of one another I was less hopeful because they all listed negative. February came and my cycle finally arrived with a vengeance.
All the symptoms that I had been feeling in the month of January seemed like they had been too good to be true. The main thing that happened then was tenderness and I grew a bra size.
I never went to the doctor after this happened because I was so upset afterward. Since that time I have been keeping up to date with my doctor on everything that I experience and working with him to help my husband and I get PG.
Two years ago was still a difficult time for us but it probably was not the right time for us to be parents. By July of that year I began to change my diet all together by becoming more health conscious on what I eating and how I was living my life. I made a decision that if I was going to be ready to bring a life into this world that I would first have to make positive changes about myself first. All during the year of 2008 I began to make many changes in my life. The largest change was my diet. I became a vegetarian and with my diet and exercise managed to drop over 50 pounds in one full year. That is a difficult task for many so for me it felt like a wonderful accomplishment.
By August 2008 my husband and I were back on track again and TTC. I began more seriously charting everything, taking OV tests, temperature in the morning, and on my OV days we were doing our BD. We have had several unsuccessful months so far and now the new year has arrived.
This month has been the most different for us because the way my OV days were charting and how strong everything was. So it was a little surprising for us when I began experiencing some breast tenderness, bloating, full feeling bladder and began running to the bathroom more often, as well as constipation, and slight abdominal pain that went away a few days ago.
I do not believe what I have been experiencing is psychosomatic but you never know how your body is going to react sometimes.
I am at CD1 and it still has not happened and we both have been nervous. After TTC for many years many couples experience the stress and worry of the countdown before their CD arrives, and when they are not PG have that feeling of loss and disappointment.
What I am hoping is that this month what I have been experiencing is real. I plan to take my HPT the beginning of this next week. By that time I will have completely skipped my cycle.
So far I have had the wonderful support from my husband, and from caring and supportive people on community groups on parents.com I want to be able to share my story with everyone and to let others who have gone through similar experiences to mine, know that you are not alone.
I await the results of what will or will not happen for my husband and I this month.
I'm sending baby dust and well wishes to others who are trying.
Anxiously and patiently waiting.
-TTC in St. Charles
My husband and I have been together going on seven years now. We have gone through so much together as well as TTC for about four and a half years.
When I was growing up my cycle was continuously irregular and I also had difficulty with my weight. So it was not a surprise to me when I found out in early 2005 that I had PCOS. That year I began to use Metformin, the generic for Glucophage, which helps regulate my cycles. Unfortunately I was not used to the side effects so after having what felt like allergic reactions I discontinued taking the medicine.
By December 2006 we were TTC again and a missed month in January had us hopeful that we were PG. We were hoping that we would be PG this time because we had the help of using Clomid and had been seeing a fertility specialist. However after taking several HPT's within a week of one another I was less hopeful because they all listed negative. February came and my cycle finally arrived with a vengeance.
All the symptoms that I had been feeling in the month of January seemed like they had been too good to be true. The main thing that happened then was tenderness and I grew a bra size.
I never went to the doctor after this happened because I was so upset afterward. Since that time I have been keeping up to date with my doctor on everything that I experience and working with him to help my husband and I get PG.
Two years ago was still a difficult time for us but it probably was not the right time for us to be parents. By July of that year I began to change my diet all together by becoming more health conscious on what I eating and how I was living my life. I made a decision that if I was going to be ready to bring a life into this world that I would first have to make positive changes about myself first. All during the year of 2008 I began to make many changes in my life. The largest change was my diet. I became a vegetarian and with my diet and exercise managed to drop over 50 pounds in one full year. That is a difficult task for many so for me it felt like a wonderful accomplishment.
By August 2008 my husband and I were back on track again and TTC. I began more seriously charting everything, taking OV tests, temperature in the morning, and on my OV days we were doing our BD. We have had several unsuccessful months so far and now the new year has arrived.
This month has been the most different for us because the way my OV days were charting and how strong everything was. So it was a little surprising for us when I began experiencing some breast tenderness, bloating, full feeling bladder and began running to the bathroom more often, as well as constipation, and slight abdominal pain that went away a few days ago.
I do not believe what I have been experiencing is psychosomatic but you never know how your body is going to react sometimes.
I am at CD1 and it still has not happened and we both have been nervous. After TTC for many years many couples experience the stress and worry of the countdown before their CD arrives, and when they are not PG have that feeling of loss and disappointment.
What I am hoping is that this month what I have been experiencing is real. I plan to take my HPT the beginning of this next week. By that time I will have completely skipped my cycle.
So far I have had the wonderful support from my husband, and from caring and supportive people on community groups on parents.com I want to be able to share my story with everyone and to let others who have gone through similar experiences to mine, know that you are not alone.
I await the results of what will or will not happen for my husband and I this month.
I'm sending baby dust and well wishes to others who are trying.
Anxiously and patiently waiting.
-TTC in St. Charles
When Everything Else Fails When You're TTC
It's not a mystery that for ages now some women have more difficulty than others when it comes to conceiving a child. Some use fertility drugs, doctors appointments with different tests monitoring progesterone levels, ovulation predictors, checking your temperature in the morning, checking all the signs your body gives you through the month so you know what's happening, charting everything on a calendar and going out of your mind after everything you do still comes back negative on the pregnancy test.
It's not a secret any more that my husband and I have been trying to conceive for a long while now. We have gone through many of the items listed above and for years now have yet to see a positive pregnancy test. It's frustrating. But what has happened in our lives most likely has directly caused the delay in our becoming parents.
First I was recovering from my first back surgery and getting back in shape but the stress from work wasn't helping. Then my back and knee began causing problems again and I went through the second surgery, finally left work after becoming disabled and gained a ton of weight and became very depressed. Then came the happier part, I decided enough was enough and had to turn my life around. I am very thankful that I decided to do that because now three years later am an entirely different person. Once we had our first home on the market, our condo, the stress came back and from the middle of January through the first of May I didn't really lose much weight at all. Now I'm back on track, much more relaxed and hoping that everything will happen naturally.
We've tried many different methods but now I am about to embark on a new direction I haven't done before and what some may find questionable. Fertility Stones, meditation, green tea and other herbal supplements and food I can enjoy. Yes, Penn and Teller's Bullshit show on demand told us that many things are in fact, bullshit. That is because many organizations pull on people's heart strings and cause them to want something so bad that they believe it's actually working and helping them, while others know that it's just a load of crap. The fact is that anyone who believes in something strong enough can be subject to believing in something that doesn't actually work.
I plan on relaxing, taking it easy and trying not to stress out in the next months ahead. The first thing that we wanted for our future unborn child was a secure home, check! The second thing we wanted was space to be able to give the baby their own room, check! Now that we don't have to worry about packing, moving and doing as much unpacking we can relax and focus on what's important, us.
Not many people are as open and honest about trying to conceive as I am. However when you have been trying for as long as we have, it's no longer a secret. There is no reason to keep this just to ourselves any longer. It's not like telling people we are trying is about to jinx us. In fact it just helps people understand how important this is to us.
My first goal a long time ago was to be a mother by the time I as 25. Now my goal is to become a mom in my 30's. If I'm lucky maybe by the time I'm in my 30th year. 30 really isn't that old anymore but when I began to think of the math involved I feel aged. If I have a child when I'm 30, by the time they graduate high school I will almost be 50. I have no idea how old I'll be by the time I see my first grandchild and that's if my future babies even have children of their own.
When my husband and I first met about ten years ago, that first month we were already picking out baby names. Silly I know but that showed me right then how much we both wanted to be parents some day and that made me love him even more. We want to name our children after relatives that have meant something important to us in our lives, both living and passed on. I do not plan on saying that the names are right now as they may change once we are expecting. There is a large part of me that really wants twins, right away! I know I'm probably crazy for wishing that want but if that happened then at least I wouldn't feel stressed about having more than one child because I would have two from the beginning. I know that we'll be happy with how ever many children we have and not one will be more special than the other.
All these years I've only been a fur momma to kitty cats. Frisky was my first little girl, my mom adopted her for me in 1993 and she lived till just past my last surgery in 2006. It's almost like she wanted to stick around just to make sure I was going to be ok and then she passed away in November. Heart broken for months and still miss her like crazy but happy that I have the memories, the scars and pictures to remember her by. My second little girl is Midnight, she was adopted in 2001 and she is now a happy middle aged kitty. My third little girl is Uzume, she was adopted August 2006 and got to know her big sister for about four months before she finally passed away. I know having cats or dogs doesn't even compare to being a mom of a human child, but having these girls has given me company when I've needed it and made me very happy over the years.
Getting back to the subject at hand. I have used stones in the past when I was reading about Wicca and Witchcraft and interested in it. There are some things that, believe it or not, aren't evil. Like Buddhism it is a way of life and living. It can be very peaceful and fulfilling. Any spirituality or religion can have extreme members who give a bad name to the organization. So just because this is something you don't believe in, don't disregard it right away. Learn more about it before you decide it is something that doesn't work for you.
It is said that different stones help us with different things, and I never thought to use these stones to help with fertility before. Fertility stones are supposed to be special stones that enhance the reproductive body and help with fertility.
From http://www.fertilaidreviews.com
It states that, "It has long been believed that certain gem stones contain natural energies that can aid fertility, these became known as fertility stones."
Of course they also sell stones and bracelets. After all, everything is a business these days.
Different stones help with different things. In fact I probably have a few of these stones in my jewelry box. I know that I just love my moonstone and have received several compliments in the past. Perhaps I'll start wearing it again.
It's not a secret any more that my husband and I have been trying to conceive for a long while now. We have gone through many of the items listed above and for years now have yet to see a positive pregnancy test. It's frustrating. But what has happened in our lives most likely has directly caused the delay in our becoming parents.
First I was recovering from my first back surgery and getting back in shape but the stress from work wasn't helping. Then my back and knee began causing problems again and I went through the second surgery, finally left work after becoming disabled and gained a ton of weight and became very depressed. Then came the happier part, I decided enough was enough and had to turn my life around. I am very thankful that I decided to do that because now three years later am an entirely different person. Once we had our first home on the market, our condo, the stress came back and from the middle of January through the first of May I didn't really lose much weight at all. Now I'm back on track, much more relaxed and hoping that everything will happen naturally.
We've tried many different methods but now I am about to embark on a new direction I haven't done before and what some may find questionable. Fertility Stones, meditation, green tea and other herbal supplements and food I can enjoy. Yes, Penn and Teller's Bullshit show on demand told us that many things are in fact, bullshit. That is because many organizations pull on people's heart strings and cause them to want something so bad that they believe it's actually working and helping them, while others know that it's just a load of crap. The fact is that anyone who believes in something strong enough can be subject to believing in something that doesn't actually work.
I plan on relaxing, taking it easy and trying not to stress out in the next months ahead. The first thing that we wanted for our future unborn child was a secure home, check! The second thing we wanted was space to be able to give the baby their own room, check! Now that we don't have to worry about packing, moving and doing as much unpacking we can relax and focus on what's important, us.
Not many people are as open and honest about trying to conceive as I am. However when you have been trying for as long as we have, it's no longer a secret. There is no reason to keep this just to ourselves any longer. It's not like telling people we are trying is about to jinx us. In fact it just helps people understand how important this is to us.
My first goal a long time ago was to be a mother by the time I as 25. Now my goal is to become a mom in my 30's. If I'm lucky maybe by the time I'm in my 30th year. 30 really isn't that old anymore but when I began to think of the math involved I feel aged. If I have a child when I'm 30, by the time they graduate high school I will almost be 50. I have no idea how old I'll be by the time I see my first grandchild and that's if my future babies even have children of their own.
When my husband and I first met about ten years ago, that first month we were already picking out baby names. Silly I know but that showed me right then how much we both wanted to be parents some day and that made me love him even more. We want to name our children after relatives that have meant something important to us in our lives, both living and passed on. I do not plan on saying that the names are right now as they may change once we are expecting. There is a large part of me that really wants twins, right away! I know I'm probably crazy for wishing that want but if that happened then at least I wouldn't feel stressed about having more than one child because I would have two from the beginning. I know that we'll be happy with how ever many children we have and not one will be more special than the other.
All these years I've only been a fur momma to kitty cats. Frisky was my first little girl, my mom adopted her for me in 1993 and she lived till just past my last surgery in 2006. It's almost like she wanted to stick around just to make sure I was going to be ok and then she passed away in November. Heart broken for months and still miss her like crazy but happy that I have the memories, the scars and pictures to remember her by. My second little girl is Midnight, she was adopted in 2001 and she is now a happy middle aged kitty. My third little girl is Uzume, she was adopted August 2006 and got to know her big sister for about four months before she finally passed away. I know having cats or dogs doesn't even compare to being a mom of a human child, but having these girls has given me company when I've needed it and made me very happy over the years.
Getting back to the subject at hand. I have used stones in the past when I was reading about Wicca and Witchcraft and interested in it. There are some things that, believe it or not, aren't evil. Like Buddhism it is a way of life and living. It can be very peaceful and fulfilling. Any spirituality or religion can have extreme members who give a bad name to the organization. So just because this is something you don't believe in, don't disregard it right away. Learn more about it before you decide it is something that doesn't work for you.
It is said that different stones help us with different things, and I never thought to use these stones to help with fertility before. Fertility stones are supposed to be special stones that enhance the reproductive body and help with fertility.
From http://www.fertilaidreviews.com
It states that, "It has long been believed that certain gem stones contain natural energies that can aid fertility, these became known as fertility stones."
Of course they also sell stones and bracelets. After all, everything is a business these days.
Different stones help with different things. In fact I probably have a few of these stones in my jewelry box. I know that I just love my moonstone and have received several compliments in the past. Perhaps I'll start wearing it again.
Popular Fertility Stones
Rose Quartz "Rose quartz, also known as the “stone of love”, is believed to encourage fertility in a wide variety of ways. It assists people in achieving emotional stability and well-being by reducing stress, promoting self-love and encouraging love from others. It is also believed to encourage positive energy and increase confidence, while easing fears, promoting reproductive wellness and health."
Green Aventurine "Green aventurine has long been associated with the the cycle of life. This fertility stone is known for promoting emotional tranquillity, providing a sense of calmness and is believed to be particularly helpful for those who have experienced infertility issues. This stone is also particularly helpful during troubled times to soothe the mind, bring patience and increase confidence."
Moonstone "Moonstone is a stone for fertility that helps to balance the motions and nurture receptivity. In Arabic countries moonstone is so well known as a symbol of fertility that women often wear moonstones sewn out of sight right into their clothing."
Bloodstone "Bloodstone is known for helping the blood flow properly in the body, which is very important for women with blood clotting disorders that prevent successful pregnancies."
Unakite "Unakite is associated with fertility, as well as healthy pregnancies, and has been said to cleanse and balance."
Rhodonite "Rhodonite is a stone for fertility that brings calm and inner balance. Rhodonite has also been traditionally used to ease emotional pain."
Chrysoprase "Chrysoprase is a fertility stone that helps the individual to get rid of negative mental thoughts and become less irritable. It also aids in self expression and courage and provides grace and compassion to the wearer. Believed to bring happiness, some say this stone for fertility helps to also balance energies."
So lets give in for a moment and learn about their fertility bracelets, since that is what this website is trying to sell.
Do Fertility Bracelets Work?
"If you are trying to get pregnant then you may have come across something called a fertility bracelet. But what is a fertility bracelet and do fertility bracelets work?"
What Is A Fertility Bracelet?
"In a nutshell a fertility bracelet is a bracelet that contains specific fertility gem stones that have long believed to help women get pregnant. These gemstones include rose quartz, moonstone and aventurine."
Do Fertility Bracelets Work?
"Some people swear that their fertility bracelets were what helped them to get pregnant, while others simply dismiss them as nothing but good luck charms. Whatever the case may be, it certainly can’t hurt to have one. Besides helping women to get pregnant, fertility bracelets look fantastic and make great gifts."
This website also has a testimonial section that has several women stating that it works. Of course, again, they are trying to sell you something. You can probably save yourself some money, go to a store that sells stones and make yourself a bracelet or pick up the stones. But for those who don't have the time then buying them is always an option. I don't know of many stores anymore that sell neat things like this, along with incense, and other neat things for around the house. I used to go to a shop in South County but I believe that shop has been closed for some time.
Lately the website tells us that we can make our own bracelet.
How To Make a Fertility Bracelet
"If you don’t want to purchase a fertility bracelet, you can also make your own by purchasing and combining specific fertility gem stones such as moonstone, rose quartz and earth stone. For those who don’t have the time to make a fertility bracelet, you can easily buy your own for relatively cheap. As mentioned, they make wonderful gifts for yourself or for couples who are trying to conceive."
It has been said that herbal teas can help with fertility. I plan on drinking one glass a day of green tea from now on. Most difficult task will be remembering to drink a glass a day.
According to http://www.ovulation-calculator.com it goes into the detail on how drinking tea helps with fertility, as well as other herbal supplements.
Green Tea and Fertility: "In the context of reproductive health, Green Tea is a powerful antioxidant that enhances fertility by repairing the oxidative damage that occurs as the result of environmental toxins, aging, stress, exercise, lack of sleep, and poor diet (processed foods). A study from the American Journal of Public Health found that drinking 1/2 cup or more of green tea daily doubled the odds of conception per cycle. Another study concluded that women who drank more than one half cup of green tea every day doubled their odds of conceiving."
Chasteberry (Vitex) "is probably the most well-known and widely studied "fertility herb". Vitex can be found in fertility supplements like FertilAid for Women or in tincture form. Vitex - or vitex agnus castus - is recognized for stimulating the hormones involved in ovulation and restoring female hormonal balance. It may normalize pituitary function and the balance of progesterone and estrogen levels. Vitex is used as an herbal treatment for infertility and is especially helpful for women with irregular cycles, anovulation, or a short luteal phase (a short 2nd half of the menstrual cycle)."
Red Raspberry Leaf "is regarded for its ability to tone the uterus and muscles of the pelvic region. Very popular - and used as a traditional fertility enhancer for a long time - Red Raspberry is a powerful fertility herb."
There are herbs that you can take to help with fertility as well as some to avoid when ttc. These are a few listed from their website.
Herbs for Fertility "Many women are also turning to herbs for fertility and pregnancy support. Below you will find a list of herbs to use - or avoid - to enhance fertility and increase pregnancy health."
Dong Quai "Dong Quai (Angelica sinensis root) is the noted Chinese herb that is used as a blood tonic. It contains micronutrients known for their blood building properties (iron, vitamin B12, and vitamin E). Dong Quai balances estrogen in the body, and is traditionally used in China to regulate the menstrual cycle. Dong Quai is also a blood thinner, and for this reason it should not be taken during menstruation. It may be helpful in improving the chances of implantation for women who have auto-immune problems, but should not be taken if you are already taking "baby" aspirin to reduce blood clotting."
False Unicorn Root "Used for amenorrhea, dysmenorrhea, endometriosis, hormonal imbalance (balancing effect), infertility, morning sickness, ovarian cysts, spermatorrhea, threatened miscarraige, uterine prolapse. It is a tonic for the reproductive organs, expecially beneficial as an aid to getting pregnant and staying pregnant, has a normalizing effect upon the ovaries. Used in infertility caused by dysfunction in follicular formation in the ovary. Eases ovarian pain and vaginal dryness. Follow directions: Taking too much may cause hot flashes, kidney and stomach irritation, blurred vision or vomiting."
Wild Yam "Wild Yam can increase progesterone production. This can increase progesterone production for those with short luteal phases but should only be taken after ovulation. If taken before it can actually prevent ovulation."
Herbs to Avoid During Pregnancy "Various sources have recommended avoiding the following herbs during pregnancy. These herbs should also be avoided after ovulation, in case you may be pregnant." "Barberry Bloodroot, Calamus Cascara, Sagrada Fennel Flaxseed,
Goldenseal Juniper, Lavender Licorice Root, Male Fem Mayapple,
Mistletoe Passion Flower, Pennyroyal (a strong uterine stimulant!!!),Periwinkle Poke Root, Rhubarb, Sage, St. John's Wort,
Tansy Thyme, Wild Cherry Wormwood, Yarrow"
It has been found that supplements and herbs help both women and men when ttc. However if you ask my doctor he'll tell you that he doesn't really believe in all of that. He does know that some supplements, herbs, eating the right foods can help with fertility; but what it all comes down to is the man, the woman and nature doing what it does best. For some women it doesn't take much work at all for them to get pregnant but with others it takes years of negative pregnancy tests and miscarriages before they are able to carry a pregnancy to term.
I plan on using everything I can to relax my mind and body with hope that what counts works and brings us a baby in the next year. This subject may be touchy to some, it is for me. But why hide this part of myself any longer? In case you hadn't guessed already, I'm ready to be a mom.
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