Gift Wrapping

Gift wrapping, I need to start wrapping up all the gifts that I got for people from Black Friday up till now. I just haven't felt motivated at all. The time change is still bothering me, just want to sleep in. Yesterday had a huge case of the Monday's and today I find it difficult to motivate myself up out off the couch to clean around the house. Need to do the gift wrapping, need to start the laundry, need to run out. Guess I'll see what all I am able to accomplish.

Thanksgiving Was Good

Thanksgiving was good. The past few weeks have been very busy and now I'm attempting to zap myself out of a bad case of the Monday's. I've done the usual things that I already would have done earlier in the month if not due to getting ready for Thanksgiving, bills, changed the bedding in the master bedroom which looks nice. Now all I have to get to is the dishes and the laundry but it's been raining all day and the last thing I want is a power outage right as I get a load going. I'll have to motivate myself to get the rest of my chores done today.

Like I said, thanksgiving was good. Had both sides of the family over at the house and there was no uncomfortable confrontations, no fights, no arguments, no disagreements. What there was, was late arrivals, which didn't bother me that much but the food was a little cool according to a few. There was amazingly tasty food aside from the dead bird that was sitting in our kitchen, I believe people actually ate it even though they said that they would love a vegetarian meal. Just goes to show you that people will eat what you put in front of them and if meat isn't there they won't eat it or probably miss it. There was nice conversation for the most part and I even was able to get the young kids to help me decorate the tree. Decorating the tree was my favorite part. Overall I wish I could have visited more with my family, just feels like when they arrived food was almost ready, we ate, then there was some visiting after the meal but more just cleaning up and decorating the tree, then family left. My husband's family stuck around for just a little bit longer visiting while I cleaned up everything. It took a while after everyone had left but we were able to clean up most of the kitchen and dining room.

I was so happy that for the first time the front room was used as it is supposed to be used, as a dining room. I look forward to a huge beautiful dining table with enough seating for 16 someday.

Went out on Black Friday and did shopping, continued to do some shopping this weekend and now attempting to finish my shopping today and through this week. I really hope that by this next Friday I will have all the shopping 100% finished for the holidays.

Now to pull myself out of this "case of the Monday's" slump and take care of the dishes and laundry.

Panic Attack

Today on the drive after buying a dead turkey for Thanksgiving, I was almost hit on the highway by a black truck who was trying to suddenly get into the far left lane while I was obviously right beside him. I slammed on the breaks a little, swerved to the left towards the medium and honked my horn a little. He got back into his lane and acted like he did nothing wrong. As quickly as that happened I began to immediately feel a panic attack come on. It didn't ever turn into a full blown attack but I can feel it in my chest and I can tell it's not going away. When it gets this bad it usually stays there until it is able to release the pent of feeling. Last time I felt this way I had three attacks in one night, that was only a few months back.

Honestly I do have a lot of things happening right now that can very well give me a reason for the elevated feelings and stress. Worry that I won't be able to finish everything in time, worry that I won't be able to cook all the dishes of food and get them out in time on Thanksgiving day, and now all the stress about this stupid poor dead turkey that's now home sitting in the fridge. I am just one very unhappy camper.

Unfortunately I don't have time to sit here and complain as I have work to do. I can hope that this panic attack doesn't come back and finish me off later tonight but that would be a HUGE hope and I don't believe that it's going away any time soon. Oh holiday stress how I loathe you.. and it's not even Black Friday yet.

I am an AWFUL Vegan

Today my husband and I purchased a turkey, a whole turkey with bones and skin and other grossness that I don't even want to think about. We purchased this for the meat eating family members that will be coming over for Thanksgiving next week.

Everything inside me now says that I've done something wrong and that I'm a horrible person, I feel sick inside, I'm just terrible because I'm supporting an industry that kills these poor little baby turkeys while they are young, and by young I mean probably around six months of age. I don't care that the turkey package says that it wasn't given hormones, and ate a wonderful vegetarian diet and was able to be on a farm running freely. Everything I've read online that says that those turkeys are still subject to the same type of cruelty that factory farmed turkeys are subject to.

My compromise for the people who wanted turkey at our house this year was that it would be a boneless and skinless turkey and now it has everything! All I want to do is give it to the needy or take it back to the store and return it. I don't want that dead animal in my refrigerator yet the poor thing is just sitting there... waiting to be cooked and serves to hungry flesh eaters who will be coming over for Thanksgiving, as well as my husband who will eat some turkey.

I feel sick as a dog and don't even want to open my fridge. I want to clean it out top to bottom now, I want to never use another pot or pan or knife that touches that turkey. I just feel horrible about it!

I just wish that for once I could have what I've been asking for all these years, a 100% all Vegan Thanksgiving! I wish that I would have a vegetarian one this year but that's not bloody going to happen now! I am not happy in all the most strong ways of not being pleased or even mildly calm about this darn animal being in my fridge.

This is the one holiday where people, for some reason, feel that they should buy a whole dead turkey and cook it. Even though many times through the rest of the entire year they in fact, eat turkey. So saying that you only eat it once a year will not fly with me!

I am almost three full years meat free and believe you me, I don't miss it at all! I'm super healthy now, all my tests come back great like my protein, calcium, cholesterol.. all great! All because of a plant based diet! See people, eating this way isn't bad but is amazing for your body!

For goodness sake! Our teeth and mouths aren't even designed to eat the flesh of animals even though we do it. Our teeth are actually designed for eating plants, fruit, nuts... things of that nature. If we had teeth designed otherwise we'd probably have some fangs in there to help us rip through the flesh and chew better.

So in light of this upcoming Thanksgiving I feel like I am the minority even more so. I always am the majority of the year, but this is the time of year that I wish and want something, a meat free holiday season. How about this, don't buy me anything at all, just give me a vegan holiday, Thanksgiving and Christmas. After I'm gone you can break out the flesh and enjoy all the meat you can sink your teeth into.

Nothing to say tonight..

22 Fertility Friend charted cycles later and still no baby.
Just simply, can I give up now? *sigh*

A late introduction is better than never...

I never really introduced myself when I continued this new blog. So, you can call me Green Girl, that was my nick name back in high school all due to my extreme love of green and for the fact that I wore it, a lot during my school years especially my senior year.

I'm a month and a half shy of turning thirty years old. My 20's have been full with many ups and downs. By the time I was 22 years old I was having my first back surgery, by the time I was 25 I was having my second major back surgery. The second back surgery left me disabled with nerve damage, a drop foot and a messed up back causing my problems to only worsen since the surgery. Next March it will of been 5 years since the disabling back surgery and 8 years since my first back surgery.
It was 8 years this past October 27th that I fell up a concrete stairwell which caused this entire problem with my back over these years to go into motion. I can tell you that an instant back disc herniation hurts like hell and if you ever fall and have a terrible amount of pain in your back and down your leg, can't move, can barely walk... don't get the bright idea that you're "young" and it'll be ok, that you just need to go home put some ice on it and you'll feel better over the next few days. Cause chances are you just did something major to your back and that very decision to do nothing may haunt you for the rest of your life. Yes, I'm young, all of this that has happened to me, that continues to happen to me causing me new and terrible problems. The 20's haven't been that great for me, though I have had some wonderful moments. Overall I just look forward to my 30's because I figure... it can't get any worse, it's gotta get better from here. Or so I hope.

Weight has always been a struggle for me. When I was a young child I had a fear of playing outside after spending to much time outside one day and then having to come inside and take a cool bath. After that moment my life changed forever and I turned into one of those children that plays video games, watches a lot of tv and doesn't care to do outdoor activities. I then turned into the child that was always the larger one than her other friends. It didn't help that my best friend from elementary through high school was the size of a bean poll.
I've lost over 126 lbs in three years, going from a size 28 to a size 12 (jean size where I am currently) or a size 3x top size to a size small/medium. Last I ever weighed myself when I was gaining weight after my last back surgery was fall of 2006 and I weighted 295 lbs. After that between the holidays and June 2007 I had gone from a size 22 jean size to a size 26/28. I am now currently smaller than I was at the age of 14, perhaps younger. I feel great now, I'm ten times more healthy as my blood work will testify to that, and I've completely done a 180 on my diet for what I eat. I've gone from a fatty junk food meat eater to a healthy diet of vegetables, fruits, whole grains, beans.. yes, you may have guessed it, I'm 100% vegan now! Couldn't be happier with what I've been able to accomplish over these past three years. In July 2007 I made a mental lifestyle decision that changed my life forever, that I wouldn't be depressed any longer and to change the way I ate food.
Unfortunately due to a stressful year and health problems I won't be able to reach my overall goal by my 30th birthday in January. However I am under 30 pounds away. I figure that by my 30th year I will be able to shed this last lbs and hopefully be rid of them forever. Over the past year I have learned that even with a not so healthy diet I haven't gained back the weight that I lost, finally my body is used to be a smaller me. Largest change this year has been the way clothing fits me. Last winter I was a size 16 jean size, now I am down to a size 12. In fact, one pair of jeans say they are 10/12's, plus my 12's have begun to fit baggy on me. It's amazing to lose so many inches though I haven't dropped as many pounds this past year.

Everything else I can say about myself, if you are a reader of mine you already know or have an idea of it. I consider myself a very caring, loving individual but I am sensitive sometimes especially if you figure out exactly which buttons to push and in what order. More than anything in the world I want to be a mother and hope that 30 will be the lucky number and it will happen soon for my husband and I.

Peace and Silence

Honestly, I looked back into the past tonight and see no need to change what was or wasn't said. I can not go back in time and change anything but can only use that as life experience, take to the present moment and move forward towards the future. I have no idea what the future holds, I only know what I have in this current moment. And during this exact moment I have what I desire (aside from my typing fingers on the keyboard), peace and silence.

Busy Is My Middle Name...

Busy is my middle name... it has to be!

Over the past three days I have gone shopping for decorations, food for Thanksgiving, and honestly I believe I've lost track of everything else because it feels like everything is going in circles.

One thing I do know for sure is that I'm really looking forward to having the first family Thankgiving at my hubby and my new house with both sides of our family together. I have no idea what the day will be like but I have a lot planned so far and I just want everything to turn out well so that everyone will want to do it at our house every year from now on. And who knows, maybe I can get the best wish of all and have a vegan meal next year for Thanksgiving.

I know, you hear the word "vegan" and you think, "Eww, yuck! What a way to waste a perfectly good day on eating vegetables!" Well, maybe you're not thinking that but here are my thoughts on the matter. Yes this may be the one time of year where Turkey is the huge theme, but think of this, people eat turkey many more times of year than they realize in sandwich form or in soup. So while we are celebrating on what we are thankful for this year lets let the turkeys be thankful to by us not eating them. Just one thought and I do have others but I'll keep it nice and short for tonight.

Other than that I've been having lots of things happening health wise that have really been throwing my weeks off track. If it's not my low back giving me problems then it's my left knee, if it's not my left knee then it's concern about my right foot, if it's not my foot then it's probably my back again or all three have ganged up to get me.

I have a second back injection scheduled for this next week and if this one does not help then I will be seeing a new back surgeon. I do have fear of what could happen if I go through a third back surgery and honestly the idea scares the daylights out of me. Mostly I'll be going to see him to see if it's now the stenosis that's my primary problem or if in case it's something else.

Due to my back problems I'll have to take it easy now for the rest of my life. No strenuous activity, which means even my hard work outs have to be pulled back to more of a minimum. When I've tried my work outs, even after this last injection in my back, afterward I had a bad reaction and was couch and bed ridden for the rest of the day in pain within hours of the work out or at least by the next day. Honestly it's not fair that a woman like me, who's done so much over the past three years to get healthy and stay healthy should be plagued by back problems to the degree that I have to limit physical exercise or physical activity otherwise I could make my back worse. That's right, worse! The stenosis in my back has only gotten worse over the past year, as the CT Myelogram clearly show the degeneration and stenosis spreading in my back like a slow wild fire. I'm not even 30 yet and I feel like I have the back of someone fifty years older than me...

But at least I have my overall health, clothing so I don't freeze, food so I don't go hungry, a roof over my head and a very beautiful roof by that, a wonderful husband, two loving kitties, good family, great friends... what else could I ask for? :)

My hair, from most recent MANIC look to when it was long brown.

My Manic Panic look

When I decided to re-bleach my hair this past time I used the same product I did back in September. Manic Panic Flash Lightening hair bleach.

The first time I left in it in my natural un-dyed hair for about 60 minutes and it took me to a shade of yellow blonde. After that I used a color through Ion to make my hair look more natural blonde. I liked it but was worried that I wouldn't like it so quickly dyed it to a very dark deep red shade.

By the end of October I was ready for a change and decided to bleach out the color again but instead of making my hair a yellow blonde it turned orange. That's what happens when you use a dye with red highlights or if you have natural red highlights same thing still can occur. As it turns out all I needed was to keep in the bleach just a little bit longer and I would have achieved the desired shade of blonde, but I didn't realize that at the time.

Over the past two weeks I have been slowly taking out the orange color in my hair with the thanks of Head and Shoulders shampoo, and Sun-In hair lightening product. Finally I was ready for a fun change and I had ordered all my new Manic Panic hair color from Sally Beauty, Red Passion that is an amazing shade of pink and Virgin Snow which is white. I first put in the Virgin Snow and it only lightened my hair up a little bit. Now looking back at the photos I don't believe it changed the color at all. Frustrated by this attempt I went out to my local Sally Beauty store to pick up more Manic Panic bleach and then headed home after some shopping. It was officially time to have some fun, though I knew that after a third time bleaching my hair in three months, my hair would be fried afterward.
First I mixed up the bleach and then it was time to apply it to my hair.
I left in the bleach for about an hour because I was worried after three times bleaching my hair would surely fall out and I would be in tears with no hair left on my head. But as it turns out I have very strong hair and strong roots because my hair has grown out so much since my hair cut in September.
Then it was time to get the dye ready once the bleach was rinsed out and my hair was clean and mostly dry. I first wanted to have a beautiful main layer of white so I first applied the Virgin Snow Manic Panic hair color. I decided to use heat to help the color take hold of my hair. I left the color in my hair for about 90 minutes, then washed it out.
Then it was time to prepare the Red Passion Manic Panic hair color. I didn't need to use very much of the color because I just did the tips of my hair this time. Once the color fades I plan on doing different strips of color or colors. Or who knows, perhaps I'll mix the color with some white and make a beautiful pink out of it. As it turns out there are other colors I would love to try like Cotton Candy Pink, Mystic Heather purple or Vampire Red.
I left the color in my hair for about fifteen minutes, I used heat on the bottom portions of my hair and today I did a little bit more of the upper portion of hair and used some foil to make sure it wouldn't get on the bottom parts of my hair. Next time if I just do my tips I'll do the bottom only.
Overall I am very happy about the results. Manic Panic gets a 5 out of 5 points for best colors, bleach and other fun things that they sell like cosmetics. Manic Panic gets a 4 out of 5 for price of their products, as I would probably buy more if it wasn't as expensive. However I'm lucky to have a Sally Beauty card so I am fortunate to be able to purchase some of the Manic Panic products through their store and that does save me some money. The white didn't look as intense as it would have if I had not bleached as much before, my roots and where the hair has grown out took to the white much better and as far as I feel, it looks beautiful to me. White and pink look very pretty together. And even if my hair does look a little blonde instead of pure white, it's a long way away from how orange it looked weeks ago. So, you tell me. What do you think of my look? I think I love it! Thank you Manic Panic for making wonderful product that I love so much! I can't wait to get more and have fun with my hair in a few weeks or however long it takes for the color to fade.
My After picture (as seen above), and my Before picture (as seen below).
Naturally my hair is a medium brown, however it's been a long time since it was it's full natural color. I've been dying my hair for about fifteen years now. I can say that Manic Panic hair bleach and color have been my favorite to use so far.

Getting my Manic Panic look!

So I've been wanting to try Manic Panic hair color for years, I've tried other hair dye in the past and two years ago my hair was even green for awhile. It was fun while it lasted. I finally decided this time after bleaching my hair with the Manic Panic bleach kit, that this was the time to try and have some fun! I've lightened my hair over the past two weeks since the first bleaching, since I had so much red in my hair it looked orange at first. This afternoon it looked light yellow/blonde after applying some Manic Panic bleach for about an hour. Currently I've trying their Manic Panic Virgin Snow hair color and then I plan on putting in some beautiful RED highlights. That's right, I plan to try to lighten my hair as much as possible to help the effect look amazing and instead of going black, which I will eventually try, I decided to go white with colored highlights.

I will update with some photos once I'm finished to show the entire process my hair has gone through to get it's amazing Manic Panic look. :) I especially love their products because they are vegetarian, all natural ingredients being safe to use and not tested on animals. That is very important to me and why I don't dye my hair that often. I have tried a semi hair color once before two years ago. I suppose the company I purchased the green hair color wasn't fresh any longer and that's why it didn't take well to my hair resulting in a slime yellow/green when it began to wash out. I'm hoping that my hair looks amazing through out all parts of the process this time around. Excited to see the end result!