On Facebook.com I run a weight loss group, of which I haven't been able to manage that well since the condo has been put up for sale. When I was my heaviest I weighed well over 300 pounds. I have no idea how much more than 300 because I stopped weighing myself once I hit 295. What I do know is that I continued to gain weight because I kept having to buy new clothing, three more sizes up to be exact to a size 26/28. Last time I weighed myself I was 186 and this week has been a set back because of bloating. I'm sure that the salty popcorn has not helped.
About a year ago I met these wonderful ladies on Parents.com when I was having problems with my cycles again and was looking for support. Things haven't been the same for me since I've lost so much weight. Who knew the freedom weight loss would bring?! However weight likes to play with mother nature. Before you ask no I'm not pregnant and no I'm not a mother yet but some day I hope to be. I realized yesterday that it's been over fives years since I was first diagnosed with having Polycystic Ovary Disease or also known as PCOS, Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. This causes me to have irregular cycles, problems with weight, acne,.. you get the picture.
These women I met understood my frustration more than I thought possible. Who knew that from all across the country we all could have something in common with one another? But we did and it was that we all had a desire to some day be parents. We weren't going to give up hope just because our bodies didn't like us. Genetics are a cruel master but we can teach ourselves to alter what we have no control over and reset the scales.
Today I am fortunate to still know some of these women who I met over a year ago. In many ways they saved me because they gave me hope again when I felt I had none left. Even though my body may want to work against me I know I can achieve my goals. With my weight loss it will be three years this June since deciding at my heaviest weight that enough was enough and it was about time to turn things around. It will be three years this July that I began to eat a healthier diet and begin to shed the pounds away. An amazing three years! It'd hard to believe.This is why I know I can't give up hope about someday being a mother. My PCOS has many things working against me. And though I may have minor setbacks I know my goal is in the future. Someday it all will happen. I can't give up hope!
This brings us back to the present moment. Where downstairs a large pile of items await my arrival for cataloging and to be driven to Good Will for donation. My procrastination is preventing me from getting to the project at hand.
After my husband and I are able to move ahead with the selling/ buying process I'll feel more at ease. My emotions have been up and down this entire process and I feel I have experienced it all! Excitement, that rush sense you get when things are moving so quickly. Worry, when things begin to look like they are about to fall apart. Heartbroken, when it does fall apart but you've convinced yourself to try not to give up hope and it still could happen.. maybe. Hope, when it looks like things may work out after all. Concern, when it finally begins to work out but you're waiting for the other shoe to drop. Impatience, when it's happening and all you can do now is wait. That is about the step where my husband and I are right about now. So impatient because all we can do is wait and once this next week is over we'll know if we can move forward or not with the sale of our condo and the purchase of our new home. Or I should say, "the" home, this will be the final one and only home that we will have, this is IT for us! I realized that today while driving our two girl cats back home after having to be out of the house for the appraisal.
I can't wait for the process of buying and selling to be at it's conclusion. It's 24 days and counting until the big day. And after that day what will happen, who knows. Perhaps finally my body will stop rebelling and cooperate. After all, our new house will have four bedrooms. *wink* Who knows. :)
After my husband and I are able to move ahead with the selling/ buying process I'll feel more at ease. My emotions have been up and down this entire process and I feel I have experienced it all! Excitement, that rush sense you get when things are moving so quickly. Worry, when things begin to look like they are about to fall apart. Heartbroken, when it does fall apart but you've convinced yourself to try not to give up hope and it still could happen.. maybe. Hope, when it looks like things may work out after all. Concern, when it finally begins to work out but you're waiting for the other shoe to drop. Impatience, when it's happening and all you can do now is wait. That is about the step where my husband and I are right about now. So impatient because all we can do is wait and once this next week is over we'll know if we can move forward or not with the sale of our condo and the purchase of our new home. Or I should say, "the" home, this will be the final one and only home that we will have, this is IT for us! I realized that today while driving our two girl cats back home after having to be out of the house for the appraisal.
I can't wait for the process of buying and selling to be at it's conclusion. It's 24 days and counting until the big day. And after that day what will happen, who knows. Perhaps finally my body will stop rebelling and cooperate. After all, our new house will have four bedrooms. *wink* Who knows. :)
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